


Stop Poking Logic-Shaped Holes In My School!

by StargateNerd



Series: SPLSHIMS [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Magic Kaito, Meitantei Conan | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, HNC, M/M, Sirius fixit, Some semblance of plot, YFGA, Yaoi Fangirl Ghost Army
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 12:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StargateNerd/pseuds/StargateNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...more affectionately known as SPLSHIMS. Spawned from Chapters 26-30 of Meitantei and Magician. The boys receive a letter inviting them to Hogwarts. Chaos abounds as Umbridge returns only to face the wrath of Shinichi and Hakuba's logic; Heiji gains a furry, unwanted, annoying admirer; Kaito and Luna become partners-in-crime when the thief tries to sneak into the Ravenclaw dorms; and many people come to the conclusion that Harry, who takes every opportunity to glomp Draco, is quite possibly insane. And wait, what's this about Pandora being a Horcrux?</p><p>Note: Currently on hiatus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eliminating the Kind of Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, just a couple revisions. SG-chan realized that she probably needed to put a disclaimer in here ^^ Also, this story has decided to go and get itself a damn plot -_-;;
> 
> Disclaimer: SG-chan does not own Detective Conan, Magic Kaito, or Harry Potter. Officially, she's never even read the Harry Potter books. That's what you're to say if SG-chan's parents ever ask you that, got it?

**Prologue**

" _Come on, you guys honestly believe in magic and stuff like that?" Malfoy scoffed in a way that would have made his father proud. "It's totally illogical!"_

_Then they heard a tapping sound. Looking around the room, they stared at the snow-white owl that was perched just outside the window. An owl that currently looked annoyed, and was holding a letter between its talons._

**Chapter 1**

"Um, am I the only one seeing an owl at the window?" Kaito asked somewhat doubtfully.

"If that owl is white and carrying a letter, then yes," Hakuba replied dryly.

"Oh, bugger," Draco muttered. He rose, then went to the window and opened it, ushering the owl in. "What are you doing here, Hedwig?" the Slytherin inquired rather irritably. The four Japanese looked on in surprise as Hakuba's cousin (who Kaito, Shinichi, and Heiji had thought was relatively sane) conversed with the bird.

"Dumbledore hijacked you, didn't he?" Draco murmured, petting down a couple of Hedwig's ruffled feathers, both literally and figuratively. "Manipulative old codger; you're  _Harry's_  owl, you'd think he'd know that by now…" Prying the letter from her talons, he petted her again, saying, "I'll owe you a treat from Eelyops, later, all right?" before releasing her out the window.

"…You just talked ta that owl," Heiji said.

"Yes I did, how observant of you," Draco snarked. Looking over the address of the envelope, he raised an eyebrow before handing it to Saguru. "It's for you."

"Uh, thank you," Saguru said rather dubiously, cautiously taking the letter. The others gathered around where the blonde teen was sitting on the couch as he read the letter, written in English, aloud:

_Dear Misters Saguru Hakuba, Shinichi Kudo, Kaito Kuroba, and Heiji Hattori:_

_As part of the new foreign wizard exchange program, we at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry invite you to study at our school this year. Although you are officially of age, you will be placed in the sixth year. A list of materials and supplies include:_

_Uniform:_

_1\. Three sets of plain black work robes_

_2\. One plain black pointed hat for day wear_

_3\. One black winter cloak_

_4\. One pair of protective gloves_

_Books:_

_The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 6)_

_Magical Theory_

_Great Wizarding Events in the 20th Century_

_Advanced Transfiguration_

_Encyclopedia of Toadstools_

_Herbology is Fun (Volume 1)_

_Magical Drafts and Potions_

_The Monster Book of Monsters_

_The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts_

_Ancient Runes Made Easy (Ancient Runes only)_

_Reach for the Stars: A Guide to the Stars and Planets (Astronomy only)_

_Reading Candles (Divination only)_

_Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles (Muggle Studies only)_

_Other Equipment:_

_1 wand_

_1 cauldron (pewter)_

_1 set glass or crystal vials_

_1 set of potion ingredients_

_1 telescope_

_1 brass scale_

_1 set of parchment, quills, and ink_

_STUDENTS MAY ALSO BRING A PET_

_The train for Hogwarts departs on the first day of the term, September 1, from King's Crossing at Platform 9 ¾. We hope to see you there._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster_

"Okaaay, this is all some kind of joke, right?" Shinichi aimed a particularly sharp glance at Malfoy, who rolled his eyes.

"Please, why would I take the time to train an owl to that extent, thus debasing myself by appearing crazy when talking to it?"

"You really are Hakuba's cousin; all fancy words aimed at cuttin' insults," Heiji commented, giving the blondes a deadpan look.

"They look alike, too," Kaito nodded.

Meanwhile, Saguru, who was examining the letter and the envelope, raised an eyebrow. Holding up the envelope and motioning to the Hogwarts crest, he asked, "Why the hell does it say, 'Do not tickle a sleeping dragon'?"

"The headmaster's certifiable. He's obsessed with  _socks_ , for Merlin's sake. He only gets away with things like that because he's an extremely powerful wizard, and Hogwarts is less likely to be attacked if he's there," Draco informed his cousin.

"So we're assuming magic is real and this isn't some elaborate prank you guys've cooked up?" Shinichi raised an eyebrow questioningly, letting the 'school being attacked' angle go for the moment.

"I thought you already knew magic was real, Shin-chan, or do you forget Koizumi?" Kaito shuddered slightly remembering the sorceress's attempts to seduce his boyfriend.

Draco's head swiveled, gaping at Kaito in disbelief. "Koizumi? As in the Koizumis of the Scarlet Arts?"

"Uh, I dunno, the only times she's displayed magic really is when she's trying to seduce someone. Oh, and there was the one time she tried to kill me. But we're past that now," he added at Shinichi's concerned look.

"The Koizumis are one of the oldest Wizarding families alive!"

"You know this how?" Hakuba wasn't quite sure he  _wanted_  to know.

Draco shrugged. "My family's pureblood, the wizard equivalent of aristocrats. Besides, Mum and Dad are involved with quite a lot of…  _political_  things, so every once in a while I hear interesting gossip."

The detectives and thief heard the cautiousness with which the Slytherin chose his words, and eyebrows raised simultaneously.  _Curious_ , the four thought.

"There's one thing that bothers me, though," Shinichi frowned, shifting into his thinking position, clenched fist raised up to his lips. "In the letter, it says that we are being invited to participate in a foreign exchange program for wizards. None of us, though, know magic, aside from Kaito, and his is sleight-of-hand."

"Well, it's possible that you have some magical abilities, but they've simply never surfaced." Frowning, Malfoy turned to his cousin. "Didn't you say that death seems to follow you guys around?"

"Hey!" was the indignant chorus from the detectives.

"That's Kudo yer talkin' 'bout," Heiji smirked, jabbing a thumb in the Meitantei of the East's direction.

Scowling, Shinichi shot back, "I'm not the only one that runs into mysteries wherever I go!"

"Well, yer the only one who runs inta dead bodies on a practically daily basis!" Hattori retorted.

"Whoa, whoa, break it up, guys!" Kaito snapped his fingers, showering the two with roses. "Hug and make up. I would say kiss and make up, but then I would have to kill you, tantei-han," he added, smiling sickly sweet at Heiji, who sweat dropped.

"Well, it certainly seems quite an interesting offer," Hakuba commented, leaning against the couch, fingers steepled. "Also, it would be quite interesting, seeing if anything learned there could be incorporated into detective work."

"Hey, that's true…" Heiji and Shinichi, now done with their spat, looked slightly more interested.

Draco looked amused at their reactions. "Well, if you are going to attend this school year, then I suppose I ought to accompany you to get your supplies, and maybe get my own while I'm at it."


	2. Logic and Parents

The next couple of hours were taken up by Malfoy explaining what Diagon Alley was and why they were going there. Which led to him explaining more about the Wizarding world. Well, trying to explain, since about every five minutes or so he'd be interrupted by questions, as well as the magical world's most fearsome and annoying opponent:

Logic.

"It's a stick," Saguru insisted, gesturing to the thin hawthorn stick Draco was holding.

"No, it isn't; it's my wand," the blonde Slytherin replied, glaring at his stubborn cousin. This lead to a whole argument between Saguru, Draco, Heiji, and Shinichi about the values of magic, and how a stick ("Wand!" Draco protested) could possibly allow a person to be able to lift objects, alter a person's physical being, or even kill.

"Granted, we've run inta cases where sticks  _have_ killed people, but they were more like clubs, and the victim died from blunt head trauma," Heiji said. "Not Latin words bein' spoken while wavin' a  _stick_  around."

To make his point (and also because he was just plain annoyed), Malfoy stunned Heiji, making the Osakan the center of much amusement after the other three had picked their jaws up off the ground. With a smirk, the Slytherin then revived him, Heiji shooting him a glare.

"I don't like that look in your eyes," Shinichi remarked nervously, gazing at Kaito out of the corner of his eye.

Kaito turned to him with a near manic grin. "Who, me? I was just thinking that this could be really fun to learn! I mean, sure, I'm a magician, but to be able to do  _real_ magic…" He trailed off, indigo eyes sparkling with excitement.

"I have a distinct feeling that KID heists are going to suddenly become more troublesome," Saguru muttered, holding his head in his hands.

Kaito decided to ignore that comment for the moment, instead turning to his doppelganger. "So Shin-chan, you wanna go?" The magician gave Shinichi his best puppy eyes, which the detective responded to with a deadpan look that softened after a moment.

"Well, we  _have_ graduated, and it's not like my parents really care what I do anyways." Shinichi frowned. "Come to think of it, I wonder whether they know anything about this. It'd be just like them to never tell me about it just because they  _forgot_ ," he grumbled.

"Aren't they in Los Angeles right now?" Heiji asked. His fellow tantei nodded.

"And with the time difference…" he muttered. A shark-like grin then spread over Shinichi's face. "Hakuba, could I borrow your phone?"

"Would you use it even if I said no?" the British detective replied dryly.

"Probably," Shinichi nodded.

***In Los Angeles***

"Yukiko, darling, could you get the phone?" Yukiko Kudo heard her husband Yuusaku call.

"Why can't you get it, Yuu-kun?" she called back.

"I'm at the part of my manuscript where the murderer is about to be unmasked; I'm  _plotting_!"

Yukiko let out a long-suffering sigh, muttering under her breath about lazy authors with uncomfortable things stuck in uncomfortable places, and denials of Yuusaku getting  _anything_  in the future. "Hello?" she answered the phone with a disinterested tone.

"Kaa-san?" she heard a familiar voice and immediately she brightened.

"Shin-chan~! I haven't heard from you in such a long time! How are you doing, darling?" Yukiko gushed over her only son.

"Uh, fine, kaa-san. Uh, listen, I'm in England at the moment, and I have a question for you," Shinichi said.

"What are you doing in England?" his mother asked.

"Does the name 'Hogwarts' ring a bell?" Shinichi inquired, ignoring her question.

"Uh, that's the boarding school Yuu-kun went to," Yukiko answered. "But what are you doing in England, Shin-chan?"

"Could you put tou-san on?"

"What are you doing in England?"

Irritated sigh. "Could you just put tou-san on?"

"Not until you tell me what you're doing in England."

Shinichi sighed aggravatedly. "I came to help Hakuba with something."

"Oh, you mean that nice boy with the bird?" Yukiko asked.

"She thinks we're  _nice_ ," a male voice in the background said.

"Saguru, you're much too conceited," another person said.

"Be quiet, Draco," the first person replied.

"Guys, shut up!" Shinichi called. "Could you put tou-san on  _now_ , kaa-san?"

"All right, Shinichi," Yukiko replied. Going to Yuusaku's studio room, she knocked on the door before opening it. "Yuusaku, Shinichi wants to talk to you. Here's your father, Shin-chan!" she told her son cheerfully before handing the phone to Yuusaku.

"Shinichi? Why are you calling?" the mystery writer inquired.

"Tou-san," the Meitantei of the East said, his voice oddly devoid of emotion. "Have you ever heard of 'Hogwarts'?"

 _Oh, crap, this is not gonna be good_ , Yuusaku thought. He was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally the boys were going to go to Diagon Alley, but SG-chan decided that the plot (now that the story actually has one) would be moving too fast, so that's next chapter. And if Yuusaku and Yukiko are not in-character, I apologize, but SG-chan does not usually write either of them. Although, really, this whole story is AU, so I guess people being OOC is to be expected. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review, please!


	3. Unrealistic Shopping

"I feel somewhat better now," Shinichi sighed, hanging up the phone. He turned back to the others, only to find them staring at him in ill-disguised amazement and a little fear. "What?" he asked, a little confused.

_*Flashback*_

" _Tou-san, have you ever heard of 'Hogwarts'?" Shinichi asked, voice oddly devoid of emotion._

" _Uh, why?" Yuusaku asked, his tone slightly meek._

" _Oh, no reason. Just that an owl delivered Hattori, Hakuba, Kaito and I a letter asking us to participate in a foreign exchange program at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Only thing is, none of us know magic, aside from Kaito, and his is sleight of hand. And, oh, yes, did I mention that Hakuba's cousin, Draco, is also apparently a wizard?" Yuusaku could practically_ feel _the glare his son was most likely giving the phone at the moment. "So, tou-san,_ what do you know about this _?"_

_Yuusaku sighed. Well, he should've known this was going to happen someday. "Shinichi, yes, I did go to Hogwarts. You never displayed magical talents as a child, though, besides attracting nearly every dead body by lieu of murders for miles, but I thought that that was just me."_

" _Wait, wait, you have a_ talent _for attracting dead bodies?"_

" _It's complicated. But as for whether you got a letter or not… Well, we_ were _traveling around the world when you were eleven," Yuusaku mused._

" _Tou-san," Shinichi growled, his ire rising._

_*End Flashback*_

"That was quite an interesting conversation," Draco remarked, deadpan. "I couldn't understand one word of it, but from the way you were ranting, and the near-deaf state my ears are in, I would guess you were pretty angry."

"Ah, yes, well…" Shinichi rubbed the back of his head rather sheepishly. "Apparently my father never saw fit to inform me of the possibility I might have magic because it slipped his mind." He laughed softly, but rather evilly.

"Kudo, yer freakin' me out here," Heiji laid a hand on his friend's shoulder nervously.

"Hmm? Sorry Hattori, just a little… annoyed, is all," the Meitantei of the East waved his hand around minutely. "On a second note, he said that I could use money from his Gringotts account, whatever that is."

"Well, that certainly clears up the issue of how to pay for you guys' school supplies, since I really didn't want to have to explain to my father why I spent more than a small fortune on school supplies," Malfoy shook his head.

"You're done ranting then?" Saguru raised an eyebrow in Shinichi's direction.

"I believe he is," Kaito told him cheerfully, wrapping an arm around Shinichi's shoulder.

"Well, since I don't carry Floo powder with me for 'just-in-case' situations, we're going to have to enter Diagon Alley manually," Draco said, stowing his wand away.

"Ya mean there's a way ta enter it  _un_ manually?" Heiji asked in disbelief.

"Is that even a word?" Saguru asked. Heiji replied by manfully sticking his tongue out at him.

"Yes, there is, but as I said, I don't carry Floo powder around with me. Hell, I don't even carry it around on a normal basis," Malfoy said. "Oh," he added as an afterthought, "while we're there, it's best if you don't say you're my cousin, Saguru."

Said person in question raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Well, Dad doesn't exactly know Mum has a sister who married a Muggle," the Slytherin explained rather sheepishly, "and our family is supposed to be pureblood, so just for the sake of appearances, really."

"I don't get why 'Muggles' are so bad," Shinichi frowned. "I mean, magical people had to have come from  _somewhere_ , just the same as regular humans, so I don't get what all the fuss is about."

"Politics," Draco explained wearily. "Now, c'mon, if we don't want to spend the rest of the afternoon discussing-" he shuddered "- _politics_ , we should probably get going."

" **Kaito, would you get off**!" Shinichi spluttered, trying to dislodge the other teen from his perch on Shinichi's back, hands clutching onto his shoulders.

" **But Shin-chan, I have to protect you, just in case the evil train decides to follow us**!" Kaito whined.

" **Kaito, it was a** ** _cart_** **, on** ** _tracks_** **, and we are currently out of that bank with the carts and the goblins, so would you kindly get the hell off of me**!" the Meitantei of the East snapped. Pouting, Kaito reluctantly did so.

Saguru and Heiji, who understood the conversation that was going on, sighed, shaking their heads. They honestly had no idea why the magician seemed to have the idea set firmly in his head that trains were evil and trying to take over the world, but, hey, this was the guy who dived off buildings for fun and was an international criminal (though he'd never admit either of those things).

Malfoy, not being able to understand Japanese, did his best to ignore the two, while the rather subdued crowd in Diagon Alley looked strangely at the group of teens from time to time, especially since most of them did not know what language the boys were arguing in. There was also the fact said boys were accompanied by Draco Malfoy, son of the arrogant prick and snob Lucius Malfoy, suspected Death Eater.

"All right, if you guys would kindly try  _not_  to draw attention to us, we should probably get your wands first," the blonde Slytherin muttered. "Ollivanders is closed, though, so we'll have to go somewhere else… Luckily, I know a place."  _Huh, guess it_ does _help that Dad's a Death Eater sometimes,_  he mused.

"So, Malfoy, where exactly are we goin', again?" Heiji asked in an undertone as they made their way rather briskly through the crowd.

"Starfire's," Draco replied equally as quietly. "It's not exactly of a well-known nature, but from what I've heard, Selina is quite skilled at finding the wizard or witch in question a wand that suits them."

The Slytherin waited a moment at the head of Knockturn Alley before ducking down it and pulling the others after him when (relatively) no one was looking.

The shop was crowded, shelves with boxes scattered all around, making it hard to move freely.

"How does she conduct business in a place so messy?" Saguru frowned, looking around.

"'She' is right here," said a young feminine voice. The five boys started slightly, except for Kaito, who, eyes wide, immediately hid behind Shinichi.

"You!" the magician practically squeaked, glaring slightly.

"You look familiar." The short woman with dark blonde hair in a ponytail frowned, her gray eyes narrowing. After a moment they widened in recognition. "Oh, you're Toichi Kuroba's boy, aren't you? I trust you haven't been playing with the fish much?" she smirked.

"You threatened to feed me to a  _shark_!" he retorted. At her glare, Kaito meeped, ducking behind Shinichi again.

Sighing irately, Selina sidestepped around Shinichi- "Excuse me a moment, would you?" -and grabbed Kaito, then dragged the unfortunate young man over to one of the many shelves. Opening a box, she pulled out a wand and shoved it at Kaito.

"Wave it with your dominant hand," Selina ordered. Doing so, Kaito gave it a little swish. Immediately, the room was filled with black smoke. "That's.. not the… one!" Selina coughed, drawing out her own wand and muttering something to clear the air, much to the relief of the coughing quintet.

Two more failures and clouds of green and yellow smoke later, Kaito gave a swish to a pale wand, and a cloud of pink smoke erupted from it, forming the shape of a dove. Selina snorted. "I should've known. Birch wood, Leprechaun hair core, 10 and 1/3 inches long. Hopefully your wand will bring you more luck than your father." The magician stiffened a little at the mention of his father, but nodded. Turning to Shinichi, he grinned.

"You should go now, Shin-chan!" Kaito chirped, throwing an arm around the other's shoulder.

Rolling his eyes, Shinichi gave a sigh. "Fine, fine," he said, taking a step forward.

Selina stalked round the brunette, looking him over. "Hmm, interesting,  _very_  interesting indeed," she mused.

"Not to complain, but you're circling around me like a vulture," Shinichi commented, growing a little nervous under the woman's speculative gaze.

"I remember talking with Ollivander about your father's wand," Selina said suddenly. She shook her head wearily. "Man, that guy sure had a talent for attracting dead people."

"Ya didn't just inherit yer tou-san's looks, ne, Kudo?" Heiji elbowed his friend, grinning.

"Shut up, Hattori," Shinichi scowled, elbowing him back. "I want to get this over with so I can call the person in question and demand an explanation after chewing him out some more."

"A little spiteful, perhaps?" Draco raised an eyebrow. Shinichi shrugged.

"Hold these, will you?" Selina shoved a pile of boxes into Shinichi's arms suddenly. He staggered under the weight of them.

"Kami, what's in here?" the detective sputtered.

"Wands, materials for making wands, dismembered limbs of people who annoy me." The woman sent a pointed glare towards Shinichi at the last part. "Here, wave this." She shoved a wand into Shinichi's hand, and he tried the best he could to wave it without dropping the boxes. After seven failures, a light brown wand formed a little cloud that shifted into a skull, which cackled maniacally before poofing out of existence. Selina seemed to approve. "Hmm, 12 ¼ inches Oak, with a Thestral hair core. Good for practicing necromancy and Dark Arts."

"…"

"Well, that was certainly appropri-"

"Anyone says another word about death, and I will kick a soccer ball right at their groin and/or face! Do I make myself  _clear_?"

All was quiet for a moment before Selina chose her next vic- er, that is, customer. "All right, you!" The short woman pointed a finger at Saguru. "Yes, you, boy, get over here!" she ordered. "I won't bite you unless you vex me."

"I really don't see why this all is necessary," the blonde said, arms crossed.

"A logical one, eh? You're probably a Ravenclaw," Selina looked over Hakuba, sizing him up.

"I'm a detective, it's my job to be logical," Hakuba replied, not backing down from her assessing stare.

She smirked. "You've got guts kid; I like that." She flicked her wand and a box from high up on one of the shelves floated down. "Try this one." Picking the wand out of the box, Saguru gave it a nonchalant wave.

Immediately, it glowed a soft silver color. "Huh," Selina mused. "10 ½ inch Ash, with a Veela hair core. Good for verbal spells, Mr. Detective." She smirked while the others laughed.

"Well, she's got ya pegged to a tee there, Hakuba," Heiji snickered at the British detective, who glared at the Osakan.

"If you find this so amusing, Hattori, how about you go next?" Saguru challenged, smirking as Heiji's expression fell to one of mild distrust.

"Fine, fine," Heiji grumbled, shuffling over to Selina.

She tilted her head to the side. "Interesting. You have a protection charm?" The young woman jabbed a finger at Hattori's chest.

He blinked in surprise, looking down before answering, "Yeah, omamori. Why, that important or somethin'?"

Selina didn't reply, merely cackled evilly. "Be afraid, be very, very afraid," she muttered, a gleam in her eyes.

The boys all sweat dropped, aside from Heiji, who looked as though running away while screaming like a little girl right now might be a good idea.

"Well, Saguru, I trust you can keep him-" Draco gestured to Hattori- "out of trouble?" he inquired. "I would stay, but it'll go faster if we split up." The Slytherin turned to Shinichi. "Since you've got the money for all of you guys' school supplies, mind coming with me?"

"If Shin-chan's going, then I'm coming with, too!" Kaito piped up, his features set in a mulish expression.

"All right, then,  _c'mon_ , Kaito!" Shinichi grabbed the magician by the arm, dragging him after the detective and Malfoy.

As the door closed, Heiji and Saguru's attention turned back to the task at hand - getting the Osakan a wand. Selina grinned at them. "Now, then, let's get back to what we were doing, shall we?"

Shinichi and Kaito had meant to go  _with_  Draco to get the books, but Kaito had gotten distracted in the pet shop, so, with a foreboding feeling that he was going to regret this, the blonde Slytherin had left them in the store, then hurried to get their books as fast as he could.

"Shin-chan, are you going to get a pet?" Kaito whispered right next to Shinichi's ear.

"Gah!" The Meitantei of the East whirled around. "Kaito, don't sneak up on me like that!" he scowled.

"Fine, fine," the magician pouted. "Just to let you know, I'm getting an owl."

"Really?" Shinichi asked, slightly interested. "What kind?"

"Well, I actually don't know what kind he is," Kaito admitted rather sheepishly, holding up a medium-sized cage with a rather mottled-brown owl in it. Shinichi stifled a laugh, making Kaito frown. "What's so funny about it?"

"Oh, uh, nothing, nothing!" Shinichi spluttered. "So, er, what are you going to name him?"

"Lupin!" the other replied brightly, prompting a further chuckle from Shinichi. "Are you going to get a pet?" Kaito asked as they went to go pay for the owl.

The brunette shook his head. "No, I don't really like small animals that much."

"But you put up with my doves!" protested Kaito as they exited the pet store.

"Exactly. 'Put up with' them. I wouldn't actually take care of one of my own free will."

Pout. "You're no fun, Shin-chan."

"Oh, so you finally noticed?" Shinichi deadpanned as they stood outside, looking for any sign of Hakuba's cousin. Just then, the hairs on the back of the detective's neck prickled, telling him he was being watched. Rather sneakily, Shinichi surveyed his surroundings out of his peripherals. The feeling intensified as his gaze fell on a dark alley nearby, so, forgoing common sense for the moment, Shinichi grabbed Kaito and dragged his boyfriend after him.

"Wahh?" Kaito's arms windmilled as he was suddenly grabbed and pulled after Shinichi down a dark alleyway.  _Okay, Shin-chan, just exactly_ what _is going on? You're not so stupid as to go down a dark alley!_  As they continued on, Kaito amended that previous thought.  _Okaaay, apparently Shin-chan_ is _stupid enough to go down a dark alley!_

Shinichi stopped as he found the source of the look. It was a large black dog, gazing at him curiously.

"Uh, Shin-chan, I don't think that's such a good idea," Kaito cautioned as Shinichi went towards the dog. "Those are some pretty sharp fangs..." He stopped in disbelief as Shinichi patted the dog's head, and even more incredibly, the dog's tail wagged a little.

"Can I keep him?" Shinichi asked, turning to Kaito with a smile.

Kaito facevaulted. "Wha? B-but, Shinichi, it's big, and scary, and-"

Shinichi looked at him with puppy (no pun intended) eyes. "Pleeeaase?"

Kaito melted under those baby blues, coupled with the smile given to him. "A-all right," he replied weakly, grinning a little like a loon.

The dog's gaze swept over Kaito, as if surveying him. After a moment, it gave a little nod, as if satisfied by its master's choice in a mate. Kaito suddenly felt very sorry for anyone who messed with Shinichi in the near or far future...

"What are you going to name him?" the magician asked, trailing after Shinichi and the dog.

Shinichi stopped and stared at the dog. After a moment, he nodded, then turned to Kaito. "Inu," he told him.

Kaito sweat dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwa ha ha! And that is the end of Chapter 3! To make up for being later than I intended, this chapter is much longer than SG-chan originally intended. Oh, and cookies to Teah no Kitsune for Shinichi's pet. Following info on the 'dog', Heiji's wand, and other stuff will come next chapter. Selina, someone I just randomly made up, may or may not make another appearance. I like her, though. She's funny ;D
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and don't forget to review!


	4. Charmed Meetings

Draco left the pet shop with a foreboding feeling he was going to regret leaving the two boys there.  _If I get the books fast and then hurry back, I'll be fine_ , he thought. Though what 'fine' was, the Slytherin wasn't completely sure.

He walked into Flourish and Blotts, intent on quickly picking up the books he, Saguru, and the others needed, and then, as the saying went, 'getting the hell out of Dodge.' Preferably before the foreboding feeling he had fledged into full paranoia.

Malfoy was standing in front of the shelf of  _Standard Book of Spells_  when suddenly he felt a heavy weight on his back. "What the-" he squawked, trying to swivel his head around to see his 'attacker', despite the anatomical impossibility. Seeing the dark mop of hair peeking over his shoulder, Draco huffed. "Harry!" he hissed, disregarding how he usually addressed the other boy by his last name since no one was close by.

"Hey, Draco," the Boy-Who-Lived grinned rather devilishly.

"You are impossible. Don't sneak up on me; I could've hexed you or something!" the Slytherin scolded, shrugging the other boy off of him.

"Eh, I would've dodged. Quidditch practice, you know," Harry waved a hand nonchalantly. Draco decided not to bring up the fact that  _he_  was on the Quidditch team too, if only because Harry would probably come up with some non sequiter comment that would get him all confused.

"Aren't Granger and Weasley stalking you?" the blonde's eyes darted every which way.

"Nope." Harry positively  _smirked_. "Got Fred and George to thank for that. Apparently the twins are getting fed up of those two dancing around each other, so Ron and Hermione have been, um, 'accidentally' locked in one of the back storage rooms."

"All right, so those maniacs  _can_  be helpful occasionally," Draco conceded, somewhat unwillingly.

"Why so many books? I never pegged you as turning into a Hermione," Harry remarked, peering at the stack of books Draco had amassed thus far.

"Oh, that. My cousin and his friends are attending Hogwarts this year as some sort of foreign exchange program- or at least that's what the old codger's calling it." Draco muttered the last part.

"Your cousin? I didn't know you had one." The brunette looked curious now, reminded that he and the Slytherin didn't actually know that much about each other's lives outside of Hogwarts beyond the bare minimum.

"Yes, well one of Mum's sisters was a Muggle, so Dad doesn't actually know about him…" he trailed off, giving Harry a 'you-know-what-I'm-talking-about-right?' look.

"Ah," Harry nodded understandingly. What with Malfoy Sr.'s pureblood fixation, he could understand the secrecy.

"Actually, I left a couple of his friends back at the pet shop, and I have a  _very_  bad feeling about leaving those two alone for any period of time, so I should probably be hurrying up," Draco said, hefting the stack of books that he'd accumulated. After paying for them, he shrink-charmed them so they would actually fit in his bag.

Draco walked along quickly, Harry dogging his heels with a curious expression. "You're following me why?"

"Because I honestly have nothing better to do that wouldn't require an escort," Harry replied dryly. "I know Ron's parents mean well, but Mrs. Weasley is a bore on a good day." The blonde gave a slight snort in response.

As they rounded the corner to the street the pet shop was located on, they noticed a crowd round two teens who looked very similar to one another, with a scary-looking black dog laying attentively next to one of them. The whole scene was rather causing a commotion.

"Merlin, is that a  _Grim_?" Malfoy not quite squeaked, face paling to only slightly darker than his hair.

 _Sirius?_  Harry thought disbelievingly, before mentally shaking his head.  _No, it's not him; he fell through the Veil, remember?_  The thought of his godfather made Harry's heart wrench painfully. The Azkaban escapee had been like a second father to him, one of the last links he had to his parents… Harry shook his head, dislodging the stray thoughts to concentrate on the scene before him.

"My, how interesting," a dreamy and familiar voice said.

Harry turned, and blinked in surprise. "Luna? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Oh, I was quite certain I saw an augurey flying overhead," the Ravenclaw replied to him with a slight smile, "when I saw those two over there. I've never actually _seen_  a Grim up close before-" Luna was interrupted a moment by an incredulous squawk from Draco, though he would deny it vehemently "-and, you know, all that talk of them bringing death isn't really true. They simply have a very good sense of smell."

The two boys stared at the blonde witch before exchanging glances that clearly said, 'We-don't-want-to-know.'

"Saguru  _so_  owes me for this," Draco glowered as he began to stalk towards the look-alikes and the dog. Harry stayed behind, his expression schooled into neutrality, while Luna trailed after Draco.

 _Those two look familiar_ , the Boy-Who-Lived pondered, frowning.  _I've seen them before somewhere… but where?_  Then it hit him. At the train station! These were the two boys who he, Ron, and Hermione had met momentarily at the station, after one of them mistook himself for his friend.  _Huh, what were the chances of them being wizards?_

"Harry,  _there_  you are!" The teen froze. Crap. Busted.

An irate and worried Molly Weasley made her way through the crowd to him, a rather mussed-looking Hermione and Ron, and smirking Ginny in tow. "Harry James Potter!" the Weasley matriarch scolded, her eyes narrowed. "Where have you  _been_? We were worried sick about you!" From behind the fuming mother Harry saw Ron give him a helpless look, mouthing, 'Sorry, mate.'

As Molly continued to berate Harry for running off, Draco directed the Malfoy Glare of Death, Doom, and Dismemberment ™ at the crowd in general before dragging Kaito and Shinichi off, the dog casting the blond Slytherin a dubious glare before following.

Meanwhile, Luna said to the frightened onlookers, "He's perfectly safe, really. All that talk of Grims bringing death is quite false. It's not that much more dangerous than a Crumple-horned Snorkack." A dreamy expression fixed on her face, she then trailed after the boys.

* * *

The three boys, along with the dog, had managed to evade the crowd's suspicious and fearful glances, and quickly made their way back to the shop. As they walked up the alley, the door to the shop in question opened, and then a familiar figure came flying out.

"AND STAY OUT!" Selina bellowed, pushing Saguru out after Heiji. "If you ever need a replacement, go torture someone else! I wonder if I could get ahold of Izumi," the blonde woman muttered to herself as she shut the door behind her.

"What did you do?" Shinichi turned to Hattori, frowning.

"Nothin'!" the Osakan protested, brushing off dirt as he stood. "Wasn't  _my_  fault the stupid stick thingy-"

"Wand," Draco said, though he was really getting tired of it.

"Whatever," Heiji retorted. "Seriously, though, it wasn't my fault an'- What the hell is  _that_?" The others turned in the direction Heiji was pointing in, or rather, what he was pointing  _at_.

"Oh, this is my pet, Ikatsui," Shinichi said.

"I thought it was Inu?" Kaito asked, sweat dropping.

"You named your dog 'Grim'?" Hakuba inquired disbelievingly.  _Maybe hanging out with Kuroba so much has become detrimental to his sanity_ , the blonde detective wondered.

"You named the Grim 'Grim'?" Draco blurted in a rather un-Malfoy fashion.

"What's a Grim?" Hattori asked.

"It's said that seeing one causes death, but that's really just a myth. True, black dogs are often the victims of spirit possession, but it's not the fault of the Grim itself," Luna stated matter-of-factly. The five boys whirled at hearing the girl's voice.

"Lovegood? You followed us?" Malfoy asked, frowning at the Ravenclaw.

"Oh, no, I'm visiting my cousin," Luna smiled. "She has her own wand shop, and I was going to visit her before school started again." The blonde witch then walked past Heiji and Saguru to knock on the door of Starfire's Wands.

"Yeah?" Selina asked sourly. Her face broke into a grin at seeing who it was. "Luna! How are you doing? Seen any Crumpled-horn Snorkacks lately?" she inquired.

"Yes, several of them were serenading fairies that were attracted by the holly bushes under my window," Luna replied, her dreamy smile taking up permanent residence.

"You'll have to tell me all about them," Selina gushed, stepping back to allow the blonde to come in. Then she noticed the boys standing there. "What the hell are you two still doing here?" she snarled at Hattori and Saguru. "I thought I told you to scram!" With that, she slammed the door. Again.

"What did you do?" Kaito wondered, his gaze going from the where the irate young woman had been to Heiji and Hakuba, the former looking rather guilty.

"Weellll…" Heiji scratched at the back of his head sheepishly.

_*Flashback*_

" _Hmm, try this one." Selina shoved a blue-_ blue?  _the Osakan wondered- wand at Heiji. Following his friends' examples, he waved the wand as he held it tightly in his right hand. He immediately regretted it, however, as a stream of grey sparks shot out of it, hitting some shelves nearby and knocking them down._

" _Not_ that _one," Selina muttered, sending Heiji an evil glare, then went to get another box down._

_Several wands and one big mess later, eyes flaming almost literally, Selina took the last wand out of a pile on the floor. Almost as soon as Hattori held it, it glowed a soft crimson color. "7 ½ inch Hazel wood, with a Hippogriff talon core," growled the blonde woman. "Now get out of my store before you cause anymore damage!"_

_Opening the door, she kicked Heiji out (literally), yelling "AND STAY OUT!" as she pushed Hakuba out after him before slamming shut the door._

_*End Flashback*_

"You are an idiot of colossal proportion," Shinichi dryly informed his best friend.

"Oi, it wasn't  _my_  fault every stinkin' wand I tried backfired on me!" Heiji protested. "And may I remind ya, Kudo, that yer pet happens to practically be an emblem of Death?" The Osakan yelped as he suddenly had to duck several soccer balls that seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"Are they always like this?" Draco asked Saguru rather hesitantly.

"Unfortunately, yes," the British detective sighed.

"But the things that happen when Shin-chan gets worked up is always worthwhile," Kaito said, gaze trained on his boyfriend rather lecherous.

"TMI, Kuroba," Hakuba deadpanned. "We do  _not_  need to know about your and Kudo-kun's sex life; the cupcake incident was bad enough." He shuddered slightly.

Draco decided he was better off not knowing.  _I have a bad feeling about this school year,_  thought the Slytherin worriedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still taking suggestions for murders/murderers, by the way. Oh, and don't forget to review!


	5. Mystical Boarding

***Two days after shopping for school supplies…***

"Let me get this straight," Ran said, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she carried the laundry basket to her father's room. "You, Kaito-kun, Hakuba-kun, and Hattori-kun are going to a  _magic_ school?"

Upon hearing Shinichi's affirmative reply, the karateka fell silent a moment before asking, "Shinichi, is that  _really_  you? Are you sure you haven't been kidnapped by some criminal organization with no fashion sense and are being held prisoner by them?"

On the other side of the world, Shinichi sweat dropped. "Heh heh, of course not, Ran!"  _If she ever found out the whole truth about the Black Organization and Conan…_  He shivered, something which had nothing to do with the temperature of the Hakuba residence. "You read too many manga!" he scolded half-heartedly.

"Hmm, I guess so," Ran agreed, frowning as she set the laundry basket down and held the phone in her hand. "So you won't be back for awhile?"

"Yeah, and do you think you could pass the message onto Toyama-chan and Nakamori-chan? Hattori and Kaito are too much of wimps to call them themselves." There was the sound of something falling, followed by a yelp. " _Watch_  it, Hattori! I almost fell down the stairs!"

"That's gonna be the least of yer problems in a minute!" an irate Kansai-accented voice yelled in the background.

"Uh, could you do that for me, Ran? Gotta go now, Hattori's trying to murder me. Bye!"

Ran stared at her cell phone in disbelief a moment, then shook her head, giving a long-suffering sigh.  _Poor Kazuha-chan and Aoko-chan, having to deal with such idiots…_  the karateka thought. She dialed a familiar number. "Kazuha-chan? Shinichi just called, and he asked me to tell you…"

***One week later…***

" **No.** "

" **Kaito, come** ** _on_** **!** "Shinichi tugged at the magician's arm.

" **No!** " Kaito refused, his lower lip slipping into a pout. " **I am not getting on that abomination of a transportation vehicle!** "

Shinichi sighed suffering, trying to ignore the stares of the crowded platform as he dragged Kaito along towards the train. Reluctantly, he muttered, " **Look, if you cooperate and try not to freak out, we'll say I owe you one.** "

Kaito perked up. Shinichi 'owing' him something usually led to very, shall we say,  _pleasurable_  experiences.

" **Kuroba, keep your ecchi thoughts to yourself, please,** " Saguru told him disdainfully as he and Heiji caught up to the other two.

" **W-what makes you think I'm thinking ecchi thoughts?** " Kaito demanded, partially annoyed he'd been caught.

" **'Sides the fact that's prob'ly** ** _all_** **ya think 'bout when yer around Kudo? Ya got a nosebleed,** " Hattori smirked. Kaito turned up his nose at the Osakan before drawing a handkerchief out of seemingly nowhere to press to his nose.

" **Hey, Hakuba, where'd your cousin go?** "Shinichi inquired, looking around for Malfoy Jr.

" **Draco said he had to sit with the other prefects on the train,** " replied the British detective. " **Besides, don't you remember that we're not supposed to act like we've met him before?** "

" **Somehow I don't think Kudo an' Kuroba makin' such a ruckus the other day helped 'im much,** " Hattori snickered.

" **Let's just get on the stupid train while Kaito's relatively calm; that way I don't have to knock him out with his own sleeping gas,** " Shinichi sighed, giving the group in general a semi-death glare that was copied by Ikatsui, who had followed quietly this whole time at his master's heels.

" **Ya know, that dog still creeps me out,** " Heiji admitted reluctantly.

The group boarded the train with relatively little trouble, considering Kaito turned a group of girls' hair green, then tripped a rather portly witch wearing a pink cardigan. Luckily, the detectives were able to usher the magician away quickly before the seething woman could seek revenge on Kaito.

" **Honestly, Kuroba, could you at least** ** _try_** **to behave?** " Hakuba demanded as he stowed his luggage away overhead. " **Or Kudo-kun, could you perhaps threaten to cut him off or something?** " Kaito glared at the Brit while Heiji snickered and Shinichi sighed.

The four were soon interrupted by the door of the compartment opening. "Is there room in here?" a girl with vibrant red hair inquired.

" **Is there room, Shinichi**?" Kaito asked playfully.

" **It seems like there is,** " the Meitantei of the East replied. " **What do you think, Hattori?** "

" **Mmm, nah, I think Hakuba's takin' up too much room,** " the Osakan deadpanned, nodding seriously in the blonde's direction.

Said blonde rolled his eyes as the other boys shared a laugh at his expense. " **Funny, Hattori, very funny.** "

"Uh, is that a yes or a no?" the redheaded girl asked, confused.

Kaito smoothly made a flower appear, handing it to the girl. "Forgive me, miss, but I sometimes forget my manners. Kaito Kuroba, magician extraordinaire."

The girl blushed as she took the flower. "Ginny Weasley. Nice to meet you, Kaito."

" **Kudo, ya got a real scary face there,** " Heiji said nervously, edging away slightly from the Detective of the East, who looked rather put off as Kaito and Ginny conversed. It was pretty much second nature for Kaito to flirt, a side effect of his night job, and while Shinichi was generally a logical person, sometimes he had the strangest urges to put his detective skills to use and commit an unsolvable crime.

Luckily for the girl, her and Kaito's conversation was interrupted by the arrival of more people. "You found a compartment, Ginny?" inquired a redheaded boy.

"There's plenty of room in here," Shinichi told the teen in smooth English, though his tone was rather cold. Then he frowned.  _He looks familiar… have I seen him before somewhere?_

"Oi, weren't you at the train station?" asked the boy, also frowning.

"Yes; Kaito mistook your friend for me and attacked him," Shinichi remembered.

"It's called  _glomping_ ," Kaito sulked, his lower lip protruding in a pout.

"I'm Hermione Granger," a bushy-haired girl who had been right behind the other boy said.

"Ron Weasley," the redheaded boy introduced himself.

"Ah, the  _chuddswyddogion a chwiwgi_ (1)have graced us with their honorable presence. You seem to have a nepsnargle clinging to your shoulder though." Luna, the girl who they'd run into at Selina's shop, walked up to Shinichi, held her arm out, waited a moment, then drew back, acting as if something invisible was perched on her arm.

Exchanging raised eyebrows, the detectives were about to introduce themselves when the door to the compartment suddenly slammed open, and a dark-haired teen came barreling in, knocking Ron and Hermione over in the process. Luna, despite also being in the mysterious assailant's path, had managed to move out of the way surprisingly quickly.

"Harry, mate, what the  _hell_  was that?" Ron blurted as he extended a hand to Hermione to help her up.

"Hide me!" the dark-haired teen, Harry, insisted, quickly jumping up and hiding behind Ginny. Shinichi felt a rather dark sense of relief as this turn of events caused the redheaded bi- er, Ginny, to step away from Kaito.

The car door opened with a violent start, and a red-faced Draco Malfoy, dressed in prefect robes, stood there looking fit to kill. "Where. Is. Potter?" the Slytherin growled.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" Ron retorted.

"I would like to know where Potter is so I can slowly skin him alive!" the blonde practically roared.

"Wasn't there a case where that one guy we found was skinned?" Heiji turned to Shinichi, sotto voce.

"Mmm, no, I think he was burned alive," Shinichi corrected. The two then noticed the strange looks coming from the others. "What?"

Draco covered his eyes with his hand, muttering something to himself. At one point they heard something that sounded like, "Should  _never_  have eaten that clover," before glaring at the world in general and leaving the car in a huff.

"Ah, free!" Harry grinned, leaving his hiding spot from behind his friends.

"Harry, what did you  _do_  to him?" Ron demanded, wondering what his best friend had done that made the Slytherin so angry.

"Oh, it's more like what I  _didn't_  do," Harry chuckled, making the others sweat drop at the diabolical smirk on his face.

"If you don't mind, I think I shall ignore everyone for the rest of this trip," Saguru announced, grabbing his copy of  _The Hound of the Baskervilles_  that he'd brought with him.

* * *

"Hey guys, we're almost there, you better change into your robes," Hermione reminded Ron and Harry as she came back from changing.

"All right, all right, 'Mione, just give us a minute," Ron grumbled.

Soon enough, the train came to a stop, and the students disembarked, chattering happily about the upcoming school year, though there was an undercurrent of worry and fear.

As the carriages came down to carry the students that weren't first-years to Hogwarts, Heiji and Saguru noticed the thestrals pulling them. Thus started the first logic debate of many, as the half-British detective noticed that these were the same creatures that had brought knowledge of the Wizarding world to him.

"It should be impossible for them to fly like that. The wings are far too small to keep it up, not to mention the carriage," Hakuba said.

"Th' fact that it's half-decayin' is also a concern," Heiji nodded. "It shouldn't even be  _standin'_  in that state!" The Osakan's expression turned thoughtful. "Though if ya take into account it might have hollow bones like a bird, then it might be able ta work, even with th' decayin' tissue. And the wings  _are_  big enough to carry it."

"What are you talking about?" the British detective asked in bewilderment. "The wings are just about the length of the body, not nearly enough to lift it off the ground, even if you didn't factor in the holes in the wings!"

"Are you blind or what?" Hattori retorted. "Th' wingspan of those things is more than three times its own body, with feathers, not scales. Plus, there ain't any holes at all, and can'tcha see the muscles?"

"Hattori, seriously, stop joking around," Saguru deadpanned. "I don't need your bad attempts at humor right now."

"What?" the Osakan exploded. "I  _ain't_  jokin'! And my jokes ain't bad! You're just missin'-"

"Hey, what are you two arguing about?" Shinichi and Kaito came up to them. Apparently the magician thought it would be funny to prank the portly witch he'd accidentally tripped earlier, so he'd given her hair to match her pink cardigan. The Meitantei of the East had barely gotten Kaito out of that predicament in time.

"Oh my gosh, they have  _Pegasuses_  pulling their carriages?" Kaito exclaimed in awe. "I  _love_  this school!"

Cue looks of disbelief and partial amusement from the detectives and the small crowd that Heiji and Saguru had gathered during their debate.

"Kuroba, that ain't a Pegasus, it's a walking  _corpse_  of a horse!" Heiji blurted.

Kaito scoffed. "Like hell! Just look, it's got a big white mane, and shiny white wings, and even its hooves are white!" He gave an appreciative smile. "Man, it'd be fun to ride one!"

Hattori and Hakuba turned to Shinichi with skeptical expressions. The brunette shrugged.

"It even has sparkling ribbons tied to it that are whipping through the wind," he informed them.

"What? Where?" Kaito asked eagerly, practically bouncing up and down. "Where? I don't see it."

"It's right there," Shinichi pointed. "Right over your-" As if on cue, the magician sneezed.

Heiji sweatdropped, then turned to Hakuba. "Oi, ya don't  _really_  think…"

"I think this might have something to do with the amount of murders each of us have been present to," Saguru mused, brow creased in concentration. "Only those who have seen death can see them. Of the four of us, I've run into the least murders."

Hattori nodded, catching on. "And I've been on more, especially when I visit Kudo, Kuroba…" The two exchanged glances.

"He follows Kudo-kun around like a lost puppy," Saguru input.

Heiji smirked, nodding. "An' then Kudo 'imself is pretty much self-explanatory."

Saguru nodded with the Osakan, agreeing. "True, true."

Off to the side of everyone, Ikatsui, who surprisingly had not made anyone scream or faint yet, snapped at a ribbon that floated off one of the thestrals, the piece of fabric taunting him just out of reach.

Meanwhile, Draco was wondering:  _How am I going to survive this year?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1): Welsh, means 'Detectives and thief' This will probably come up later, where Luna is speaking Welsh. It's such a beautiful language, and Wales is quite the magical place, too ^^
> 
> Yes, I am back! 8DDDDDD Also, cookies go to Teah no Kitsune, who is the one who came up with the idea/conversation of the boys getting all analytical over thestrals. <3 you, Teah-chan! ^-^
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this chappie, and make sure to review! Reviews make SG-chan feel loved =^_^=


	6. Hectic Sorting

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin, First Class, Chief Sorcerer, and bearer of many other titles (some illustrious, some downright strange) was currently entering the Great Hall. Many of the teachers were already there, waiting for the returning students to arrive in the carriages while the first-years came by boats.

The elderly wizard took his spot at the head table, the spot to his right empty as Minerva McGonagall was off waiting to escort the first years in. The spot to his left was also empty, but he had a feeling that Severus Snape was merely attempting to forestall having to face the students of this year.

Dumbledore turned in the direction of the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. "Has the castle been treating you well?" he asked the woman, whose face lit up into a small smile, not that you could tell from underneath the darkness the cloak she was wearing produced.

"Oh, no, it's positively  _marvelous_ ," she purred, her smile shifting into a shit-eating smirk. For a moment, Albus wondered if maybe he should be worried, as he saw the glint of teeth from underneath the darkness the cloak provided...

* * *

"That was totally awesome!" Kaito gushed. As they exited the carriage, he gave one of the thestrals a pat on the nose. "See ya later, Death Pony-san!" the magician called as he followed his friends.

"Surrounded by insanity," Hakuba muttered. Heiji nodded in hearty agreement while Shinichi just sighed. He loved Kaito and all, but hanging out the window of the carriage while asking the thestrals random and inane questions (many of which disturbingly pertained to sex and horses) was borderline couch-sleeping material!

"Saguru Hakuba, Heiji Hattori, Shinichi Kudo, and Kaito Kuroba, could you please follow me?" A stern-looking woman who fit the stereotypical image of a witch (barring the fact she had the same glare as Sato-keiji when the rest of the department was ragging on Takagi) intercepted the students coming from the carriages as she called out the names of the four transfers.

"Have fun, and don't forget to watch out for the gizwalds!" Luna called after them. The three detectives and the thief sweatdropped. The blonde fifth-year reminded them a bit of Kaito the time he'd eaten two bags of Pixie Stix, a whole pound of chocolate-espresso pocky, and drunk two whole cans of Monster.

Okay, maybe Luna wasn't  _that_  bad, but the magician had been pretty spacy for a while after all the sugar and caffeine he had ingested.

The teens' attentions were drawn back to the stern older woman as she led them to a room filled with about forty to fifty 11-year-olds.

"My name is Professor Minerva McGonagall. I am the Deputy Headmistress, as well as the Transfiguration teacher here at Hogwarts. In a moment, you shall enter the Great Hall in order to be sorted into one of the four Houses: Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Slytherin." McGonagall's gaze roamed over the students, seeming to make eye contact with each and every one. "Your Housemates will be like your family. For the next seven years, or however long you stay," her gaze fixed directly on the four Japanese students at this, "you will eat, sleep, and attend class with your fellow Housemates; be they eagles, lions, snakes, or badgers." Her expression softened a little, but not much, as a smile entered her eyes. "Take care as you begin your great adventure."

This rather impassioned speech was followed by the large doors opening into the Great Hall. In fact, it was quite a Kodak moment. That is, until Heiji tripped over his own two feet and started a domino effect. Being much larger, as well as being located in the back of the crowd, this resulted in nearly all of the first-years falling flat on their faces into the Great Hall.

"Nice going, Hattori," Saguru scowled at the Osakan's clumsiness, while Kaito laughed and Shinichi just shook his head wearily.

"Shut yer trap Hakuba!" Heiji growled, shooting a glare at the Brit which would have made a normal person crack under the pressure and cry for his or her mother. Hakuba, however, merely shrugged it off.  _Probably 'cause a all that time spent around Kuroba_ , Heiji thought darkly.

A wave of laughter swept through the older students, which really didn't help much for the nerves of the eleven-year-olds. A small brunette girl had said earlier that a second year whom she was friends with had sent her a very detailed,  _graphic_ letter about the various obstacles that would be necessary to complete the Sorting.

Needless to say, many of the more naïve first-years were currently scared out of their wits.

The laughter died down as Dumbledore called for everyone's attention while McGonagall was handed a scroll of parchment.

What really caught the attention of the four Japanese teens was a ratty, well-worn hat on the stool in front of the staff's table. The scene grew curiouser and curiouser, to quote Carroll, when the hat began to sing about the school, and welcoming students; both old, new, and those from far-off places.

"So we're going to be sorted by a hat?" Shinichi's raised eyebrow went along with his skeptical tone.

"A  _singing_  hat," Kaito reminded him.

"Yes, we mustn't forget it's a  _singing_  hat," Hakuba nodded. "After all, how often does one come across a  _singing_  hat?" The pouting glare Kaito sent him was stonewalled by the dry look the Brit had adopted.

"I wonder if it's sentient," Heiji muttered to himself. "And if it is, does that mean it could be considered alive? And then, is it possible ta be able ta kill it?"

Fortunately, the Sorting Hat's song ended right about then, sparing the poor first-years anymore drama (for the moment) that could possibly be cooked up by Kaito or Heiji. Saguru and Shinichi… well, let's just say the first-years were extremely lucky and leave it at that.

McGonagall began to call out names in alphabetical order after a short announcement about the four new sixth-year transfers, and the eleven-year-olds put on the hat one by one, the name of the house each student was Sorted to called out after a moment or two.

"…Martins, Lynley!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Quincey, Rachel!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Starfire, Tsuki!"

Heiji visibly paled as a small, mousey-looking brunette walked up to the stool, the hat nearly dwarfing her head. " **Y-ya don't s'pose that she's related ta th' lady who owned th' wand shop, do ya?** " he inquired nervously to the other three.

"RAVENCLAW!" the Sorting Hat shouted, and Tsuki went to sit at the eagle's table.

" **I certainly hope not,** " Hakuba muttered, glowering in remembrance of Selena's rage.

" **And that is why I stick with Kaito,** " Shinichi said. " **He may get in a lot of trouble, but he's also quite adept at getting** ** _out_** **of it.** "

" **Aww, Shin-chan!** " Kaito grinned, restraining himself from glomping the blue-eyed teen and then proceeding to commit indecent things to his boyfriend right then and there.

"Xylander, Sonja!"

" **Would you please cut down on the lovey-dovey talk? It gets annoying after a while.** "

" **You're just jealous that you don't have that special someone, Haku-chan!** "

"GRYFFINDOR!"

" **Wow, Kuroba, I didn't think it was possible fer a person ta get that red!** "

"Yates, Andi!"

" **Only sheer force of will is keeping me from strangling both of you right here and now!** "

" **There's also the fact that we're in the middle of a very crowded hall.** "

" **You shut up too, Kudo!** "

"SLYTHERIN!"

" **Hey, don't you dare talk to Shin-chan like that!** "

" **Keep out of this, thief!** "

"Is there a problem?" The four were then treated to Minerva McGonagall's Stop Talking or Drop Dead Glare™, the only thing feared nearly as much as the Headmaster's Eye-Twinkle™ or the Potter Giggle™.

"Not at all," Shinichi replied. "Just a bit of a misunderstanding." He glared at the others, daring them to cross the Meitantei of the East who was currently in a bad mood; and not only that, but he had a Grim for a pet too, so they had better damn well  _not_  cross him, or there will be baked detective tonight!

…Ahem, anyways.

Minerva, still glaring, read the next name: "Hakuba, Saguru!"

Saguru walked up to the stool, muttering all the while, " **Going to be sorted by a** ** _singing_** **hat. Absolutely spiffing.** " He sat down, placing the hat on his head rather delicately, as if either the headwear or his head would explode if handled too roughly.

 _Well, well, what do we have here?_  a slightly masculine, yet still ambiguous, voice said.

 _I'm not even going to question why you seem to be talking to me inside my head,_  Saguru resigned himself to the insanity of the magical world.

_Well, you certainly have a tongue on you. Hmm, cousin to that Malfoy boy, eh? And you're trying to catch a thief… who happens to be one of your friends?_

_Kuroba is_ not _my friend,_  Saguru protested. _Merely an acquaintance. And I'd like you to stay_ out _of my private thoughts and memories, thank you very much._

 _You'd do quite well in Slytherin,_  the hat mused.  _You have cunning and ambition in spades, and know the meaning of tact, unlike some whom I've sorted into the House of Snakes. Honestly, Salazar Slytherin himself would be turning in his grave right now at the state of his House!_

_Is there a point to this diatribe?_

_But above all, you value knowledge, and love to learn. So, it's best you be in…_

"RAVENCLAW!" the Sorting Hat shouted.

The Eagle House applauded politely as the blonde made his way towards them, sitting down right next to Luna, who was the only person he knew by sight.

"Hattori, Heiji!" McGonagall's stern voice called the Osakan up to the stool.

 _Hmm, you possess an omamori,_  the hat remarked.

 _Why does everyone comment on that?_  Heiji demanded.  _Seriously, what's so important 'bout it? It's just a present from Kazuha s'all._

_Yes, but not many people can create a working protection charm that has such potency. Hmm, you also possess quite a temper._

"I do not!" Heiji shouted, both in his head and aloud. A mental growl silenced the chuckles of the Sorting Hat, though not much could be done for the rest of the occupants of the Great Hall.

 _Case in point,_  the hat said dryly.

_Ah, shut it._

_You have a great heart,_  the headwear's 'voice' was somber now.  _Especially considering your relationship with that other boy, Kudo._

The only adequate thing that Heiji could be compared to at the moment would be a fire hydrant, or something equally red, because of the blush that spread across his face.

 _K-keep outta my head, would ya!_  the Osakan spluttered.  _A-an' 'sides, Kudo's with Kuroba now, an' I ain't gonna interfere with 'em. Though if Kuroba puts so much as one foot outta line, I'll make 'im wish 'e was dead!_

_That's convinced me. You definitely belong in…_

"GRYFFINDOR!" was shouted for all to hear, and the House of Lions burst into proud applause at having snagged one of the transfers.

"Kudo, Shinichi!" was the next name the Transfiguration professor called.

The blue-eyed teen placed the ratty piece of headwear on his head, steeling himself for whatever would happen. He didn't, however, expect for the hat to begin _talking_  to him.

_Well, well, you've certainly led an interesting life. Being shrunk ten years? It's a good thing you found an antidote before having to go through puberty again._

_I have to agree with you there,_  Shinichi assented.  _But I don't recall giving you permission to go through my head._

_Yes, well, it's part of my job. I mean, how else do you think I'd be able to determine which House would fit each student best?_

_Quite true. Do you have a name? It would get kind of annoying to call you 'Hat', I would think._

_Ah, call me whatever you like. It's been so long that I've actually forgotten my own name._  Shinichi mentally sweat dropped.

_All right then, I'll call you Bob._

'Bob' grumbled a little at being given such a commonplace and uninteresting name before turning back to his task at hand.

 _You have courage in spades, that's for sure. A bit reckless as well, if the situation that led to you being shrunk is any indication._  Ignoring Shinichi's enraged protests, 'Bob' continued with his observations.  _To be able to survive so long in such an undesirable situation required cunning, so Slytherin is not entirely out of the question. Oh, but you feel guilty about it, having to lie and deceive so much._

 _Could you please get to the point?_  Shinichi was getting quite annoyed by now. Sure, he could analyze a criminal's motives and actions to a tee, but when it came to his own past and dealings, he would get a little, if not a lot, iffy.

 _Don't get your panties in a twist,_  the Sorting Hat admonished, ignoring the mental growl that came from the Meitantei of the East.  _Hmm, you and the Hakuba boy are of the same opinion of a lot of things in the Wizarding world. In that case, you'd best fit in…_

"RAVENCLAW!" shouted the vocal hat.

Kaito was practically bouncing up and down on the tips of his toes by this point. Now that he knew which House Shinichi was in, he would do his utmost to make sure he ended up with his boyfriend. Plus, there was the added bonus of being in close proximity with Hakuba. Oh, the pranks he could pull… The magician was jamming the hat onto his head before McGonagall finished saying his name.

 _You're certainly an eager one,_  Kaito heard the Sorting Hat's 'voice' say, sounding rather amused.

_Yup, I guess I am. Could you put me with Shin-chan, Sorty?_

_Sorty?_

_Yeah, short for 'Sorting Hat'. Assuming you don't have a name already, and it sounds better than something like 'Bob' or 'Jimmy'. I mean, seriously, what kind of name is 'Jimmy'? It's stupid, that's what it is._

_I'm half-tempted to put you in Slytherin just so you can annoy everyone there,_  said Sorty/Bob.

 _No, I wanna be in Ravenclaw with Shin-chan!_  Kaito insisted.

_Hufflepuff is a possibility with how hard you work at your, ahem, night job._

_How do you know that?_  Kaito demanded.  _And I want to be in Ravenclaw with Shin-chan!_

_Your blonde friend, Hakuba._

_He isn't my friend, more of an acquaintance than anything else. And I want to be in Ravenclaw!_

_Funny, he said nearly the exact same thing. And are you listening to me at_ all _?_

 _Eh, not really,_  Kaito admitted.

Sorty/Bob gave the mental equivalent to an exasperated sigh.  _Bold, impetuous, no regard or respect for your elders… that's it, I'm putting you in…_

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Kaito's response was for anime-style tears to stream down his cheeks. "Sh-Shin-chan…"

Saguru heaved a sigh of relief. He really hadn't wanted to deal with having to room with Kuroba for the rest of the school year.

"Oh, would ya quit cryin'?" Heiji demanded in an irritated manner as Kaito trudged over to the Gryffindor table and laid his head on his crossed arms on the table.

"Shut up, you don't understand anything!" Kaito retorted, his voice slightly muffled by the wood of the table.

"If yer so broken-hearted, why don'tcha just go sit with Kudo?" Hattori seethed, inwardly very much hurt by the magician's comment.

The wild-haired teen visibly perked up. "Why didn't I think of that?" In a cloud of red and blue glitter sparks Kaito disappeared from the Gryffindor table, reappearing at the Ravenclaw table perched on Shinichi's head.

"Hello Kaito," Shinichi smiled, glancing up at his boyfriend.

"Hey, Shin-chan!" Kaito greeted back, his smile equally bright.

"This is going to be a regular occurrence, isn't it?" Hakuba muttered.

Any more complaining was interrupted as Headmaster Dumbledore stood. "I would like to remind you all to treat the new transfer students as you would anyone else, as this is their first time experiencing Wizarding European culture. On another note, I would like to welcome back Delores Umbridge this year." Contrary to the speech, many students booed, and even some of the teachers looked irked. "Also, I would like to introduce the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for this year, Miss Akako Koizumi!"

The black cloaked figure near the end of the table stood, pushing back her hood to reveal the familiar (to the three detectives and the thief, at least) sight of Edoka High's resident sorceress and witch.

Simultaneously, the foreheads of Saguru and Kaito met the table as all four teens groaned.

Up at the staffing table, Akako smirked. Oh, this year was going to be quite amusing indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *grin* Heh, I bet not many people saw that coming! Hopefully. I wasn't trying to be obvious or anything, but I'm not the most subtle of people either ^^; If anyone can tell me where the whole little 'Jimmy' rant came from, they get a double chocolate-chip cookie!
> 
> I'm kinda surprised at how many people think I know Welsh or something ^^; True, I have Welsh ancestry, along with Scottish, Irish, British, and Norwegian, but I just picked Luna knowing Welsh as something kinda random ^^;;; It's kinda like the Grim being thought of as Sirius... Who will show up, just not right now *evil grin*
> 
> Poor Heiji ;_; I didn't mean for his situation to come out so angsty or anything, it just kinda happened.
> 
> Don't forget to review please!


	7. Interlude: The Age-Old Question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! It's SG-chan here with an interlude! She cackled much while writing this little piece, so now even more people think she's crazy ^-^ Anywho, this little interlude is to prepare a little bit for the chapters to come, as well as to introduce some other characters. Oh, yes, and to answer that age-old question: Whatever happened to Sally-Anne Perks? If you have no idea who she is, then go read the Sorting of the first Harry Potter book. Then go read Book 5. She isn't in Flitwick's roll call; she's just disappeared...

**Interlude: The Age-Old Question Is Answered (No, not where babies come from!)**

Deep, deep within a secret chamber of Hogwarts, there dwelt something that had been sealed away by some of the most powerful beings that existed. No, not the Founders, Riddle, or Dumbledore.

No, not the Saiyans either!

Anyways, a description of this thing may be in order. Well, not exactly thing, more like, well, a person. Yes, a person! A humanoid girl. We say humanoid because no-one quite knows if this being is human, Elf, Veela, Demon, American, or what. No, it is not being implied that Americans are of a different species!

Now, to get back on track here…

This girl was not of very tall stature. In fact, she was quite short. Not as short as Edward Elric, but short. She normally wore her dark blonde hair in a ponytail which reached halfway down her back when down. Her eyes, a hard, unforgiving hazel were currently focusing on the only person that knew of her existence in Hogwarts, Peeves the poltergeist. The only reason he knew where she was was because he had thought it would be a good joke to release her. That was before he had been nearly killed (again) by the wards sealing her in her prison. You see, this girl had committed a very terrible offense.

She had tried to change the canon world of Harry Potter in a way which would have broken the Fourth Wall.

She had somehow managed to get herself into the canon Harry Potter 'verse, and was dead set on changing such dreadful happenings such as Harry being such a wuss, Sirius dying, Draco being portrayed as evil, Snape dying… need I go on?

However, shortly after managing to be Sorted, this girl had been apprehended by inter-dimensional peacekeepers, who had missed her when she'd gotten through the first time. Since she was too dangerous to be left free, they decided to seal her where she would not be able to affect much.

"So, they've arrived here, have they? The detectives as well as the Crimson Sorceress?" the girl chuckled. Peeves nodded in affirmation. "Excellent." She did a rather good impression of Mr. Burns. "That will teach those Reality Regulators to mess with me!"

She stood, an evil grin gracing her previously demure expression. She wore a long, flowing crimson dress which dragged behind her in the fashion of a wedding gown. "You have contacted the Council?"

"Yes, and Black should be in position very soon, after the judging," Peeves nodded.

"It is time, then," the blonde intoned. She approached the wall across from her usual sitting spot. It had a convoluted ritualistic circle inscribed on it, and it was smeared maroon with blood in some places.

"Those of you sealed away, who died at too young an age, those torn away from your lives too early! Mistresses of otakuism, fan girls of all ages (under 25), those who revere the blessed genre of yaoi, AWAKEN!"

And there was a sound not unlike the reaction of all fan girls who watched Episode Two of Season One of Naruto. This was followed by a might voice proclaiming, "YFGA, move out!"

From the wall, there emitted a large host (14 people) of silver and whispery-looking young women, ranging from early teens to early twenties.

"We were called, and have answered," a girl wearing a summer uniform, long blue hair trailing down her back, intoned. "I am the great-great-great-great niece of a cousin three times removed of the uncle's brother-in-law's step-sister's nephew of Konata Izumi, the previous Leader. You may call me Satchan."

"Welcome… what did you call yourselves?" the sealed being asked in slight confusion.

"The YFGA," a white and black-haired girl wearing a skimpy tube dress informed her. "It stands for Yaoi Fangirl Ghost Army. My name is Jay."

"It has a nice ring to it," the blonde mused. She grinned another evil grin. "Watch out world, Sally-Anne Perks is back!" She threw her head back and cackled, "And soon, the Fourth Wall shall crumble!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus is my answer to the Sally-Anne question. And yes, this interlude is completely serious. It actually _does_ fit into the overall plot of SPLSHIMS. BTW, I've already got pairings set up for Aoko and Ran, so what do you guys think of Kazuha and Neville?  
>  Don't forget to review! ^_^


	8. Fate Is A Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This is an actual chapter, as the last one was just an interlude. Doesn't mean you should ignore it, though; it does actually have some bearing on the story. Oh, and cookies to Teah no Kitsune for the scene in Dumbles' office X3 Heart you much, Teah-chan! ^-^

"What the hell is that old toad doing back here?" Ron fumed as the students started to disperse from the Great Hall after the end of the feast.

"Ron, language!" Hermione admonished. "We're prefects, we have to set a good example!" She dragged the redhead off to help her herd the first-year Gryffindors to their common room, leaving Harry to explain to Heiji about Umbridge and the mishaps of their previous year.

Meanwhile, Kaito was currently imitating a basilisk by attempting to kill Akako with his stare.  _No way is she going to get her mitts on Shin-chan! No way!_ To say the teen thief was possessive of his boyfriend would be an understatement; his distrust of Akako when she'd tried to ensnare Shinichi with her wiles had increased at least three times as much as when the sorceress had attempted to kill him!

Shinichi gave a sigh as he saw Kaito's Glare-o'-Doom trained on Akako, while inwardly he smiled. It really was kinda cute how jealous Kaito could get sometimes. After all, nationally-renowned kokosei-tanteis need some reassurance every now and again that they're wanted in ways other than mysteries needing to be solved.

"Messrs. Kuroba, Kudo and Hakuba, the Headmaster would like to speak with you in his office before you go off to your dorms," McGonagall informed them. They tiredly acquiesced, following the Deputy Headmistress as she collected Heiji in much the same manner before they were lead through the winding hallways to the Headmaster's office.

"Do new students get some kinda map or somethin'; cause I don't think I'll be able ta remember all a this, 'specially if the stories I've heard 'bout movin' staircases are true." Heiji muttered the last part.

"Students usually get used to the castle's layout in the first month or so," McGonagall replied. "And if you do end up getting lost, you can ask one of the portraits for directions."

"Portraits?" Shinichi inquired, just as they reached the end of a hallway with a gargoyle statue to their right.

"Yes, the portraits have charms on them which make them represent different personas, or that of a specific person. Skittles." This nonsequitor was followed by a staircase appearing near the gargoyle statue.

"Ah, thank you Minerva," Dumbledore thanked his colleague, blue eyes twinkling. The Scotswoman nodded in reply, then departed from his office. "So, how are you doing so far?"

"Well, we've only just arrived today, so it's difficult to form an opinion about a place where we've barely spent an hour or two," Saguru informed him dryly. Kaito and Heiji snickered at this, and Shinichi smirked.

A sudden burst of flame disturbed the room as a flaming  _something_  suddenly appeared on a perch near Dumbledore's desk.

"What the hell?" Shinichi and Kaito exclaimed in unison while Saguru raised an eyebrow and Heiji swore quite colorfully about flaming flamingos and their plans for world domination.

The others were thinking that maybe the Osakan had spent too much time in Luna's presence. Or maybe he'd just finally cracked. After all, if Luna was the catalyst, wouldn't the others be insane as well?

…On second thought,  _don't_ answer that question.

"This is my phoenix familiar, Fawkes," Dumbledore informed the boys, gazing fondly at the toasted turkey.

"You mean the legend of the immortal bird rising from its own ashes is true?" Saguru raised an eyebrow.

"Quite," the elderly wizard replied, his eyes twinkling madly. He cocked his head as Fawkes let out a trill. "It seems Fawkes senses you have some friends with you, Mr. Kuroba, and finds them quite interesting."

"You mean my doves?" Kaito inquired. He turned to the phoenix. "Would you like to meet them all? I'm afraid they would be rather prissy and not conducive at all to performing for a few weeks if I had to choose among them."

"Yes, muggle magicians are masters of concealment, are they not?" Dumbledore said cheerfully as the detectives blanched, even Heiji. Considering how dark his skin was, this was quite the feat, but in lieu of the impending disaster, no one noticed this very much. The headmaster blinked as he saw Kudo, Hakuba, and Hattori duck for cover, while he himself remained unaware of the approaching doom.

Kaito grinned as Fawkes trilled what seemed to be his agreement. "Well then…"

The headmaster's office exploded with a flurry of feathers as everything was suddenly covered in white. Even Dumbledore's head was not spared, several of Kaito's pets perched on his head.

"T-that's quite an impressive concealment charm you had there, Mr. Kuroba," the old wizard stuttered, eyes wide at the amount of birds that had somehow managed to fit into his office.

"Concealment charm? What's that?" Kaito asked, cocking his head to the side and looking so utterly and adorably cute while doing so.

As Dumbledore gaped and sputtered (a first for him in nearly 50 years), no one noticed the conspiring glances Fawkes shot some of the doves, nor the nearly-identical looks that were sent back to the phoenix.

Out in the hallway, a figure lurked in the shadows, listening with a trained ear to what was happening inside the headmaster's office. "Hmm, interesting," the person whispered in a slightly feminine voice. "I'll have to inform Leader-sama about this." The only thing that would have been seen as the mysterious figure vanished was the slight glint of blonde hair.

* * *

Sirius Black awoke with what felt like a hangover. Which was kinda funny, really, considering he was  _dead_  and all. Or at least, he thought he was dead. I mean, he fell through the Veil; no one was really sure what it was for, or where it led to. Except for maybe Selene Lovegood. From his time at Hogwarts, Sirius had found her scary smart, and did his best not to cross her. Plus, the deceased woman's daughter was at least twice as bad as her mother! Anyone who dared to cross a Lovegood woman either had a death wish or was even stupider than Crabbe and Goyle!

Anyways, back to feeling hung-over.

The Grim animagus sat up, and noticed that about ten to twenty meters from him was a large table. Seated at it were six girls, ranging from ten to nineteen years of age.

"All right, let's hurry this up; I want to get back in time to watch Pokémon," snapped a blonde. She was slightly on the stocky side, had short blonde hair, and wore gray plastic glasses. Her height put her in the mid-teens.

"Calm down, would you, Leah?" Another blonde looking to be a year or two older attempted to placate her.

"Be quiet, Victoria," Leah replied, slumping in her chair with a scowl as a brunette with glasses glared at her.

"If we may start now with  _out_  anymore interruptions…"

"Goddammit, I cannot freaking see over this table!" a shrill childish voice cried.

"You do know that we're outside of the realm of reality right now, right?" the bespectacled brunette raised an eyebrow. "You could just wish a telephone book to sit on, or a bigger chair."

"Oh." A small face peeked over the top of the table, and the small, dark brunette girl grinned. "Thanks, Anna!" Her look turned pensive. "While I'm at it, I think I'll wish for Malik Ishtar to be my boyfriend."

" _cough_ Taken _cough_ ," coughed an auburn-haired girl to the littlest girl's right.

"Dammit!" the dark-brunette cursed again. "Then I'll wish for Abridged!Ryou Bakura. No one cares about him."

"I think Little Kuriboh's got some kind of copyright on him," Anna informed her apologetically.

"Don't worry, Melanie; maybe we can get you someone from Detective Conan," Leah said.

"Could we get back on track here? We're  _supposed_  to be deciding the fate of Sirius Black here!" the auburn-haired girl of before said exasperatedly.

"Katie's right," Victoria agreed.

"I've never even read the Harry Potter books," Melanie mused. She turned to the brown-haired girl next on her left who had been silent up to this point. "How about you, Satsu-chan?"

"Don't," the teal-eyed girl advised shortly. "Anything after Book 5 is crap."

"I'm not even completely sure why I'm here," Katie complained.

"Silence, foolish human!" Satsu-chan's voice deepened and her expression turned rather evil-looking. "You will give Twisted Brain-sama the respect we deserve!" The other girls sweat dropped at the evidence of the usually quiet girl's personality disorder.

"Uh, excuse me!" Sirius chose now to speak up, having been listening this whole time. "Harry Potter books?  _My_  fate being decided? What's going on here? And who the hell  _are_  you people?"

"All right, whose bright idea was it to have the Council meeting  _right_  in front of Snuffles?" Victoria demanded.

There was the sound of a cricket chirping until Anna Gibbs-smacked Melanie upside the head, causing her to stop chirping.

"Seriously, would you stop acting so immature?"

"Itai!" Melanie whined.

"You're twelve now; start acting your age not your shoe size!" Anna scolded.

"Good one," Katie snickered.

"Can we  _please_  get back on track?" Leah demanded. "I _really_  wanna watch Pokémon!"

"Mou, mou, keep yer shirt on!" Katie drawled, not seeming the least bit affected by the death glare shot in her direction.

"All right, this Council meeting will come to order," Anna snapped, finally fed up with waiting for people to stop talking. If they weren't going to shut up, then she would just have to yell over them! "First order of business-"

"Only order of business," Melanie interjected.

Anna glared, and the dark-haired girl's chair grew noticeably shorter. "As I was saying, first order of business, the fate of Sirius Black. Would the aforementioned please step forward?"

"I'm right here," the subject of the conversation scowled. "You don't have to talk about me as if I'm not even here!"

"Technically, you're not," Melanie piped up, a telephone book boosting her up on her seat. "Really, what is 'here'? If you're speaking in the physical sense-" She closed her mouth as Anna glared daggers at her yet again, joined by Leah this time.

"Sirius Orion Black. Prankster, Marauder, Animagus, previous lover of both James Potter and Remus Lupin, falsely-accused of being a Death Eater, and godfather to one Harry James Potter." Satsu-chan raised an eyebrow. "Did I miss anything?"

"He's a S.O.B.!" Katie cackled at her joke. Everyone else merely rolled their eyes.

"Yeah,  _that's_  real original," Leah scoffed.

"Back on track, people, get back on track!" Victoria reminded them. "Now, Sirius Black, do you have any pressing reasons as to why we should return you to the land of the living?"

"Wait, wait, wait," Sirius held up his hands, a look of incredulity spreading across his face. "You're deciding whether I'm going to heaven or hell?"

"Not really. See, in cases where it's uncertain whether someone 'dies' or not, we step in and make the decision," Satsu-chan informed him. "We see Dr. Daniel Jackson on a regular basis, as well as Naruto Uzumaki. Count Olaf has also dropped by."

"Mmm, Danny-boy never loses his charm," Anna sighed, an uncharacteristic look of satisfaction on her face. "Seriously, he is one hot archaeologist." The other girls, as well as Sirius, sweat dropped.

"Ahem,  _anyways_ , back to the matter at hand…" Leah took her turn glaring at the bespectacled brunette this time.

"Your case is a special one; originally you were marked as 'dead', but a request from a member of our Council whom is absent had us looking into your case again." Victoria perused through a folder, making marks with a pen at random intervals. "So! Do you want to go back to the land of the living?"

"Hell yes!" Sirius exclaimed. "I still have to prove I'm innocent, and make sure that Malfoy kid knows not to mess around with my godson! I swear, if he's so much as insulted Harry  _once_ , I'll make sure he regrets the day he was born."

"Hmm, sounds as if he comes from a universe we're familiar with," Katie mused. "Anna?"

"No objections here," the brunette grinned rather evilly. "He'll fit right at home in my SPLSHIMS 'verse."

"Where are you going to drop him off?" Leah inquired, interest piqued in spite of herself. "You can't exactly just drop him in an animal shelter or something."

"Oh, there's a family who would just  _love_  to take him in," Anna informed them all in a sugary-sweet tone. "Especially since the parents are police officers; the kids will absolutely  _love_  him."

"Decision made; Council adjourned!" Victoria announced.

As Sirius suddenly felt himself dragged away into a whirlwind of darkness, he wondered if maybe he should have just decided to let the sleeping dog (in this case, him) lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bwa ha ha! SG-chan will write whatever you request if you can guess who the mystery figure was... *evil grin* Here's a hint: You won't be able to guess who it is directly as this person hasn't been introduced yet, but I will give you a hint: Yes, the person is a student at Hogwarts. Even a general description will do.
> 
> A big thank-you goes out to the other members of the Council; you know who you are X3 The Council may appear in another of SG-chan's fics as well; my OCs have a tendency to do that ^^
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed, and don't forget to review!


	9. Of Course THAT Makes Perfect Sense

"Geez Kuroba, did ya have ta make such a commotion?" Heiji grumbled as he and Kaito made their way to the Gryffindor dorm, having gotten directions from a somewhat flustered headmaster.

"Hey, he asked to see my birds so I showed him my birds!" the magician defended himself. He paused, then snickered. "That sounded really dirty."

The Osakan rolled his eyes. "You're so immature. I don't see why Kudo puts up with ya."

"To be honest, sometimes I wonder myself." Heiji glanced sidelong at Kuroba, who was suddenly sounding so serious. "He could do so much better than me, but for some reason he accepts me for who I am, thieving and all." Kaito flushed as he shot a glare towards Heiji. "If you ever tell Hakuba about this conversation, I'll make your life miserable."

Hattori smiled slightly as he shook his head. "Nah, I'm not about to do the Brit any favors, not after the way he acts all high an' mighty 'round everyone. Besides, after hearin' what ya have ta say 'bout Kudo, I've officially accepted you."

"Eh?" Kaito was confused. "I thought you already accepted our relationship."

"I mean  _you_ ," Heiji corrected. "I was fine with Kudo bein' involved with a guy; a little weirded out cause I always figured he'd end up with Nee-chan, but I was okay with it. It's just taken a bit longer to accept that my best bud is dating an internationally wanted thief."

"Ahh," said thief nodded in understanding. "Does this mean I don't have to worry about you coming after me with a shotgun while ranting about protecting Shin-chan's chastity?"

The amusing blush and sputters that followed thoroughly made up for the dire threats the Osakan shouted as he tore down the hall after Kaito's quickly retreating figure.

* * *

Shinichi sweat dropped as he saw Hakuba unpacking what seemed to be at least two trunkfuls of Sherlock Holmes novels. There were, that he could see, several copies of each book, with both Japanese and English translations, plus several other books that had been written pertaining to Sherlock Holmes, as well as some other works by Doyle.

"Do you honestly think you're going to read all of those?" he asked. "I mean, we are partially here for schoolwork, plus we're behind our other year mates so we'll have to catch up with them-"

"Kudo-kun, would you mind going away?" Saguru inquired. "It isn't that I don't enjoy your company - I actually find it quite refreshing compared to Kuroba and the other one - but I'd like to get everything sorted out here."

Shinichi frowned at both the slight to Kaito and Hakuba's way of addressing Hattori. Sure the Osakan was rude sometimes, but he was quite dependable and a good guy to have watching your back. So he said the only thing he could really think of in two seconds in this situation:

"Why are you being such an ass?"

Saguru pinched the bridge of his nose and fought the urge to slap the other silly. It was no doubt the continued exposure to Kuroba. That, and the fact that death followed Kudo around like a lost puppy. Speaking of which…

"Where's your dog?" He hadn't seen the black hound in quite some time, not since they'd boarded the train, in fact. The British teen didn't feel as if this boded well.

"He's off playing with Fang, the groundskeeper's dog," Shinichi said. "And don't dodge the question please. We're both detectives here, we're both logical, but I don't get what your vendetta is with Kaito and Hattori." Okay, Kaito was kind of obvious, but it seemed as if Hakuba was dead-set on baiting the Osakan for no reason other than it was… fun…

Shinichi suddenly realized why Ran was always insisting that he was a mystery idiot.

Letting out a sigh, the Meitantei of the East laid his hands on Hakuba's shoulders, bending his head so they were on the same level. "Just promise me that if Hattori ever ends up growing his hair out, you won't pull on his pigtails."

"What?" The blonde stood straight up, his tone and expression indignant, nearly slamming his head into Shinichi's chin. "What the hell is  _that_  supposed to mean?"

"Well, this is very homoerotic," an unfamiliar voice commented.

The two detectives suddenly realized how close they were to one another, with barely two inches of space between their faces. It was astonishing, really, how they both cleared about ten feet in barely two seconds in an effort to separate from each other.

"Aww, you don't have to break up on  _my_  account," the person who had entered their room pouted. The detectives turned in tandem to the intruder.

"Good Lord, I am hallucinating again," Hakuba muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You're not the only one," Shinichi replied.

The intruder in question happened to be a teenage girl with blue hair and green eyes. The strangest part, however, was that she was in the air. Floating. Plus, Saguru and Shinichi could see through her in the most literal way possible.

"Oh, don't mind the fangirl, just get back to the yaoi goodness." The blue-haired girl smiled as her head tilted to the side. "Seriously, pretend I'm not here."

"For one thing,  _we_ are not involved," Saguru huffed. "For another, Kudo-kun already has a boyfriend, and I much prefer the fairer sex."

"I've been wondering about that," the other boy muttered to himself. He barely noticed the death glare emanating from the blonde in favor of focusing his attention on the voyeuristic ghost girl in their room. "Who are you?"

"Me?" the girl blinked, looking shocked that he was asking her. "I'm Satchan, the leader of the Yaoi Fangirl Ghost Army, YFGA for short, and- wait, you  _both_  can see me."

"Uh, yes we can." Shinichi was confused as to how this had any bearing whatsoever to who she was.

"So that means… ahhh." Satchan shook her head slightly. "Sorry Blondie, but seeing as you can see me, that means you're at least bisexual."

"So only homosexuals can see you?" Shinichi inquired. He ignored the Phoenix Wright-esque breakdown Hakuba was having behind him.

"Well, yeah. At least, the only people to have ever acknowledged me were either gay or bi. Boys  _and_  girls, though usually the girls were the ones to talk to me. For some reason guys get creeped out around me. I have no idea why though!" Satchan pouted as she mulled over her problem.

 _Maybe cause you're a ghost and can pass through pretty much anything,_  Shinichi thought. He sweat dropped as he realized that he was stuck with a slightly depressed and manic ghost of a yaoi fangirl and Hakuba, who was still breaking down in an extremely Phoenix Wright-esque fashion. "Um, no offense, er, Satchan, but could you maybe come back later? I should probably make some pretense of calming Hakuba down so that we both are able to get some sleep."

"Oh, all right," Satchan pouted cutely. "See you later, boys! Oh, and pertaining to Blondie, a paper bag might be best." Shinichi sweat dropped again as the ghost girl waved goodbye, a relaxed smile on her face, as she floated through the wall. He then turned to Hakuba.

"Okay, a paper bag…"

* * *

"Now Ai-chan, you be good for Dora-chan today, all right?" Miwako Takagi nee Sato was busy pulling on her sneakers as her adopted daughter Ai Takagi (formerly Haibara) sat on the living room couch reading a National Geographic magazine.

"Yes, okaa-san. How late do you think the stakeout will take?" the shrunken teenager asked, never lifting her gaze from the page in front of her.

"Who knows," the dark-haired woman grumbled. "Wataru, get your butt down here or we'll be late!" she called up the stairs.

"C-coming Miwako!" was the wavering answer.

"Dora-chan will be here at two Ai-chan, so you'll be alone until then," Miwako said as she adjusted her shoulder holster. "You have your keys, right?"

"Yes," Ai replied in a monotone. "I was thinking of going to play with Ayumi-chan, Genta-kun, and Mitsuhiko-kun in the park today."

"Sounds good." Miwako flashed her adopted daughter a smile which quickly morphed into a frown as her husband came floundering down the stairs.

"S-sorry, I couldn't find my-" the tanned officer was cut off as his wife stepped forward to straighten his collar in a somewhat, ehem,  _painful_ , manner.

"C'mon, or we'll be late for Megure-keibu's briefing!" Miwako scolded Wataru, who rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Behave for Dora-chan!" he managed to get out to Ai as the female terror of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department dragged him through the door.

Ai smiled, even though she knew that there was no chance of her adopted parents seeing her own little farewell. She looked up at the clock that hung over the mantle.  _Twenty minutes to ten; I promised the others I'd be there at ten thirty. I've got time._

To be specific, the shrunken teenager had time to make some soup for Miwako and Wataru's dinner, should they be home too late to make it themselves, clean up a little, and leave a note for Dora-chan, her 'babysitter'. Though she wasn't much of a babysitter, always tripping over everything, and she couldn't cook to save her life.

Then again, it was faintly reminiscent of the time that Ai had spent with Agasa-hakase before she'd invented the cure for Kudo. It was because the idiot had taken a temporary antidote to solve a case and changed back prematurely that Wataru, Miwako and, surprisingly enough, Ran's mother, were brought in on their secret. Well, really, it couldn't be helped when the baka had shrunk  _right in front of them_.

Still, Ai reflected, it was probably for the best. With more people in the know, and especially someone like Kisaki-san, bringing down the key players in the Black Organization had been much easier than either of them had ever dreamed. It helped to have a lawyer on your side when bringing down those who had escaped the law so many times before.

At ten twenty, Ai left the modest townhouse that belonged to the small family for the short walk that would take her to the park.

As she turned the corner onto the block the park was on, the girl found herself knocked back roughly to the ground. "Itai!" Ai hissed as her elbow was scraped against the sidewalk. She looked back up to glare at whoever had knocked her over to be greeted with a faceful of slobber.

"Great. A mutt," the shrunken teen muttered disparagingly. Said mutt's reply was to slobber even more over her face. "Shoo, shoo!" Ai scolded as she stood, waving at the dark furred dog. "I'm a cat person anyways; shoo!" For a moment she could have sworn the dog had actually stuck his tongue out at her, but Ai dismissed it in favor of getting to the park.

Footfalls behind her alerted her to the fact she was being followed. Rolling her eyes, Ai twirled around, crossing her arms as she confronted the dog, who suddenly looked quite guilty at being caught following her. "What part of 'shoo' don't you get?" Never mind the fact she probably looked quite childish talking to a dog like this, Ai was getting annoyed. She was  _very_  much a cat person.

"Ai-chan!"

The blonde girl turned to see the remaining members of the Shounen Tantei coming her way. "Ohayo gozaimasu," she greeted the three.

"Whoa, you got a dog Haibara?" Genta exclaimed at the sight of the dark furred animal that nearly came up to the girl's chest.

"No, it almost ran me over on my way here, and it's been following me ever since." Ai fixed one of her 'evil mad scientist' glares (dubbed courtesy of Kudo) on the dog, who backed down slightly, realizing the presence of a predator when he saw one.

"He doesn't seem to have a collar," Mitsuhiko mused as he examined the dog's neck.

"Maybe he could play with us this afternoon!" Ayumi suggested cheerfully. The three children turned to Ai, as she seemed to be the only one who might actually be against this plan of action.

The blonde sighed. "Fine, just so long as he doesn't slobber all over me again."

The actual children of the Shounen Tantei gave a cheer before they headed to the park once again, this time accompanied by the dark furred creature who seemed to have a permanent doggy grin on his face as he trailed after the kids.

After what seemed to be endless rounds of hide-and-seek (with a 'break' when Ayumi spotted a 'suspicious' man who turned out to be a member of the local garden club) the kids decided that they should take a well-deserved lunch break.

"Ai-chan!"

The accent that permeated the greeting alerted Ai that there was only one person that could be. "Dora-san?"

"Hey hey, how many times have I told you, call me '-chan'!" Nymphadora Tonks, more affectionately known as 'Dora' to certain people, chuckled, ruffling the blonde's hair. Ai scowled slightly. She only allowed one person to ruffle her hair like that, and that one person was dead.

"What are you doing here? Okaa-san and otou-san said that you wouldn't arrive until two o'clock."  _Plus, I'd hoped to avoid you for as long as possible_.

"Well, I got off work early today! I got a new boss so there's a lot of people being switched around and stuff in departments. Us old-timers get some time off as a result." The young woman, currently sprouting shocking blue hair, grinned.

"Ai-chan, is that your babysitter?" Ayumi inquired as she returned with hot dogs from the vendor. Mitsuhiko and Genta trailed her with their own food. The latter slipped their canine companion a bit of his burger, something the dog seemed quite grateful for.

"Yup, name's Tonks, but you can call me-" She stopped suddenly, her eyes widening. "Sirius?" The dog barked happily and trotted up to the young woman. Tonks responded by fainting dead away.

"I  _knew_ you were going to be trouble," Ai muttered viciously, glaring at the dog as the other kids panicked over what they should do and why the nice lady with the funny hair had fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did SG-chan end up killing anyone with the cliffhanger? xD Also, to clarify, in this 'verse Haibara was adopted by Wataru and Miwako once they got married - they figured that she should have some semblance of a normal family life. Ai didn't mind too much ^_^ Also, Wataru and Miwako officially work as liasons between the Muggle and Magical law enforcement departments in Tokyo. Just clearing things up in case you didn't understand.
> 
> Don't worry, fellow members of the YFGA, you shall have your appearances soon! As shall those of the HNC... *evil chuckle*
> 
> And if you can tell me where the quote "Well, this is very homoerotic" comes from, you win the internet - and virtual brownies ^_^


	10. First Day Chaos

"I feel terrible," Hakuba groaned.

"Well, falling asleep half-clothed after nearly hyperventilating probably doesn't help anything," Shinichi offered as he tried to figure out how to put on his slightly too-large robe without looking ridiculous. "Dammit, I think some of my clothes got switched with Kaito's," he muttered.

"Well excuse me!" the blonde sputtered as he blushed. "You'd be somewhat off too if you were suddenly told by a ghost - of a strange girl with  _blue_  hair nonetheless - that you were at least bisexual! I've always been attracted to girls! Koizumi-chan, Aoko-san, hell, our homeroom teacher wasn't that bad looking!"

Shinichi ignored his roommate's (possibly/probably in denial) ranting as he rifled through his other clothing in order to find a robe that actually fit him.

"-that girl Natsuki-san, I probably would've asked her out if she hadn't turned out to be a murderer! Are you even listening to me?"

"Not really," Shinichi answered truthfully as he donned his own robe that he'd finally located. "It's quite amusing hearing you rant like this though - the times I've ever interacted with you in the past, you've always been so calm and polite - nothing like this."

"'The times in the past I've interacted with you'?" Saguru narrowed his eyes. "We haven't met that often Kudo-kun, only a few times recently because of Kuroba."

 _Crap, I forgot he doesn't know about 'Conan'_ , Shinichi cursed mentally. "Oh, really?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Must've been someone else I was thinking about." He looked around the room for a timepiece, and upon finding none, feigned surprise as he looked down at his bare wrist and declared: "Oh my, it certainly is getting late; we'd better hurry if we want some breakfast!"

The Meitantei of the East then beat a speedy retreat from his roommate's (potentially) dangerous questions.

"SHIIIIIIIIN-CHAAAAAAAAAAN!11!1"

The Golden Trio gave a collective sigh of relief as they saw Kaito dash across the Great Hall to join up with Shinichi, who was just coming in. The prankster magician had spent a good portion of the night wailing and bemoaning the fate that the two star-crossed lovers faced. Heiji's attempts at explaining that, no, Shinichi and Kaito were nothing  _like_  Romeo and Juliet did nothing to help - in fact, it only served to make Kaito even more despondent. Which was why he was now sprinting full speed - and  _damn_ , could he run fast! - across the hall while he shouted in caps lock.

"I campf shee were Ahm gowin wif you in my fafe!" Shinichi's exclamation was muffled as Kaito took the opportunity of glomping his boyfriend for all he was worth, not really caring that if he didn't let go of his boyfriend soon that said boyfriend would probably suffocate. Although, there was the one time they were playing Truth or Dare with Ran-chan and Kazuha-chan, and the latter had dared Shinichi and Kaito to kiss as long as they could without breaking apart - which happened three minutes and 49 seconds later, so Shinichi probably could hold his breath for a pretty long time-

Oh, never mind, Kaito was off Shinichi's face now and scowling at Umbridge, who had so rudely demanded that they stop.

"Public displays of affection are frowned upon here, young man." The woman whom everyone seemed to hate scowled at both of them.

"I hugged him - how is that PDA?" Kaito asked, not a little incredulous. "Although if you  _really_  want to see some PDA..."

He was cut off as Shinichi elbowed him in the stomach quite forcefully. "What Kaito means to say is that he believes that you're being a bit overreactive," the detective fluently translated Kaito's reply into BS-speak. Rule one of diplomacy, or any sticky situation, is to be able to tell people to go to hell in a way that makes them  _want_  to go there. Preferably while singing 'Friday'. Rule two is that if whoever you're trying to hoodwink - in this case the toad lady whose fashion sense rivaled that of the Black Org.'s (and that's  _not_  a good thing) - didn't believe you - and going by the narrowed eyes and pursed lips, Umbridge didn't - then you should utilize every weapon at your disposal to get the hell out of Dodge.

Luckily for Umbridge, what was about to become a bloodbath courtesy of Kaito was interrupted by a large cry of: "Preserve the Yaoi!"

A large group of ghosts burst through the wall with Satchan at their head. The blue-haired dead girl was somewhat different from the last time Saguru and Shinichi had seen her, as she was dressed not in a sailor fuku but a tight leather dominatrix suit.

(There was a funny story behind that actually. There's a store in the backwoods of Canada (who?) where there's a portal to an alternate dimension where everyone is a ghost, and it's the living who are 'dead'. Long story short, the ghosts from that dimension knew how to make clothes for the dead, and Nearly-Headless Nick had given Satchan the lovely bit of leather lingerie she was wearing (ooh, alliteration! Now imagine it in a sexy British accent...). True, he'd nearly had his head cut off all the way (he was trying to come up with something even more outrageous to give her so he could finally join the Headless Hunt) but it was  _so_  worth it.)

"Infidel, prepare to meet your doom!" the small black-haired girl beside Satchan shrieked (she tried to 'boom', but her voice was nowhere near deep enough).

"To protect the world from devastation," purred a girl in a skimpy red tube dress with white and black hair..

"To unite all peoples within our nation!" cried a girl with green hair.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love," a blonde girl in a school uniform declared monotonously.

"To extend our reach to the stars above!" the shrieking girl shrieked.

"YFGA blast off at the speed of light!" Satchan announced. "Surrender now, or prepare to be blasted into oblivion by the terrible sight of Armstrong getting it on with Gluttony!"

"EWWW!" the entire group of ghost girls chorused.

"We totally do  _not_  need that mental image!" a blonde - different than the one who'd spoken in monotone - shivered melodramatically. "Plus, that doesn't even rhyme!"

"Shut up Sierra, lest you anger the grand High Elder of the Glorious Goodness that is Yaoi," hissed a redhead next to her.

Now, to more than half of the occupants of the hall it was just a normal morning and nothing out of the ordinary was happening. That is, to more than half the occupants. The rest of the people who could see the YFGA were having reactions classed into one of three things:

\- Facepalming (that would be Shinichi and Hakuba (or maybe just Shinichi since Hakuba was still a bit traumatized))

\- Open-mouthed disbelief (that would be pretty much everyone else)

\- Or jumping up and down in joy (that would be a little second-year Hufflepuff who was chattering about how she  _knew_  that they would eventually come and how she couldn't wait to tell the rest of her com-! A third-year Slytherin silenced her with a well-placed spoonful of blue jello expertly flung into the Hufflepuff's mouth. This caused a third-year Gryffindor to give the Slytherin a withering "Are you serious?" glare which the Slytherin responded in turn with a special one-fingered ninja hand sign).

Minerva McGonagall was one of the ones who didn't see anything unusual like a group of ghost girls who would like nothing more than to see random guys start making out with each other. What she did see was a large portion of people at the Gryffindor table with gaping mouths.

"Close your mouths before you start catching flies!" the Head of Gryffindor snapped, dutifully invoking fear and panic in the hearts of her students. "And Dolores, remember that you are on a short enough leash as it is!"

"Yes, Minerva," the pink horror simpered with a glare towards the world at large. She gave Kaito a glare that basically announced her intentions that she would be stalking - er, keeping an eye on him.

Shinichi quickly dragged Kaito away from Umbridge before he did something that he wouldn't regret but that would land Shinichi in hot water. "Breakfast, schedule, then classes," he hissed in his boyfriend's ear. "Or so help me once we're done with this school you're on the couch for a month."

The scathing reply Kaito held ready for Umbridge was kept behind lips that were now sealed shut in the face of the Terrible Cockblocking Couch™. But there was just one thing he had to ask.

"Shin-chan, why is there a girl over there with a sign that says 'KaiShin 4ever!'?"

* * *

Sirius knew it had been a good idea when he followed that little blonde girl! Okay, so he'd spent a few minutes trying to get the dog side of him to stop screaming "EVIL! EVIL! PURE EVIL STAY AWAAAAAY!" but hey, she knew Nymphie!

Heh heh, his cousin once removed couldn't hurt him for saying his name if it was just in his mind! Though he had to wonder at Andromeda for naming her daughter something so... suggestive. Then again, she  _was_  Bellatrix and Narcissa's sister; that in and of itself was an explanation of so much, yet so little.

Some small part of his mind wondered if he'd been this scatter-brained before he died, but as the little blonde girl kept  _glaring_  at him while the other kids were trying to wake Tonks up from her impromptu nap (that she'd probably kill him for once she regained consciousness), he soon returned his attention to the girl.

"You're not a real dog, are you?" Ai spoke to the dog in English. After all, Dora-chan was from England and she seemed to know the dog, if the dramatically gasped name before she fainted was any indication. Though really, who named their kid after a  _constellation_?

Sirius sneezed, then paused for a moment before hesitantly nodding his head.

"Great," Ai grumbled to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose. "As if being without Kudo-kun's company after he's back to normal was too good to be true, now we have someone who's been turned into a dog. What else will that damned Organization get up to next?"

"But I'm not stuck as a dog," Sirius protested as he shifted back into his human shape. The girl's eyes widened almost impossibly large before narrowing to slits.

"Explain," she hissed, and Sirius almost expected her hair to morph into snakes and for him to turn to stone in the next minute.

" **Ai-chan, she's waking up!** " Ayumi called from where she and the boys had been minorly successful at getting Tonks back to consciousness.

"I had a strange dream," the blue-haired woman muttered. "Sirius wasn't dead and I ran into him in Japan..." Her gaze fell on Sirius in his human form.

"Hey Nymphie," he waved, his grin slightly nervous.

"Explain," his cousin barked. " _Now_."

Sirius briefly wondered if maybe staying dead would've been preferable to dealing with the two very angry females he was dealing with.

* * *

"You almost gave us away!" the third-year Slytherin hissed.

"Waah, I'm sorry Leader-sama!" the blonde Hufflepuff wibbled. "I was just so excited because from the ancient texts we've been expecting them for so long-"

"Oh, lay off of her," the Gryffindor scolded. "It's not her fault she doesn't think before she speaks."

"Yeah, it's not  _her_  fault," a third-year Ravenclaw chimed in. The Slytherin glared at her, eyes narrowed to near impossible slits.

"You  _wanna_  go at it again?"

"You ready to lose, you ninja wannabe?"

"Ha! Eat my super-ultra-lightning-quick attack!"

"Knives again? Pitiful. Take this! I summon Dark Magician Girl in Attack Mode!"

"Oh, so  _that's_  the way it is?"

"For the last time, I AM NOT LESBO!"

"Suuuuure, and your decks are composed of big-boobed girls for no reason!"

"Exactly!"

"Should we stop them?" A fourth-year Gryffindor asked the other boy, who sighed.

"No, it'll be good for them to get all their UST out."

" _WHAT_  UST?" The Slytherin and Ravenclaw turned their glares on the two boys, who immediately gulped and wished they were elsewhere, like maybe Canada.

"Do meetings always go like this?" Tsuki Starfire asked the Hufflepuff.

"Eh, not always," the blonde shrugged. "Sometimes we have snacks!"

The first-year Ravenclaw nodded, not sure whether that made things better or worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Points if you can guess at least one of the students who Tsuki's made friends with. If you know my Stargate fics, this should be easy ;3

**Author's Note:**

> YATTA! I have posted the first chapter! XD And a day before schedule! Now, to check out Book 6 from the school library tomorrow and re-read it... ^^;
> 
> Hope you all like; kinda botched the letter since I didn't actually have any of the books, and was going kinda from memory, as well as what supply list references I could find online. Please review, and give SG-chan more ideas for plot and stuff! Also, ideas for torturing Umbridge XD And thank you, Mangaluva, for the Pandora is a Horcrux plunny. That's what inspired this story to go and get a plot, I hope you know! XD


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